Tuesday, November 5, 2013

If My Life Isn't Perfect By 40

Today I turned 39.96 years old. If little kids can piece out their year so can I. I'm not 40. Not yet, anyway.

Image Source
This getting older thing was sort of freaking me out. All I could think was, "I'm going to be a still-divorced 40 year old woman." I had no idea what that even meant. It was certainly not in my plans. I was supposed to have my beta marriage over, the kids preparing to leave the nest, and my new and improved marriage was supposed to be well underway. In my 30 year plan, I had selected 40 as the year my pretend husband and I would go to some gorgeous sunny resort and act like carefree 20 somethings and enjoy cocktails and staring at other much sexier vacationers. What the hell? This shit was not going as planned. Last year I sat down and had a little cry, then I looked at myself and said, "Tick tock, bitch."

Do you know what I've done since then to ensure that my dreams would unfold as scheduled? Not a damned thing. I've been working. It's been busy. I uh... yeah it didn't get done. There was that misspent $30 on Match.com. If you're looking to hook up with people as equally frustrated and messed up as you, it's the place to be! Either way, I've gravitated back to my standard hopeless romantic status. And it's good. I'm not dating, or engaged, or ya know... in a committed relationship, but it will happen when it happens.

If it doesn't happen... it's not like I don't have a crap load of other things to be thankful for.

Crap Load of Things I'm Thankful For If My Life Isn't Perfect By 40
(Feel free to make this a drinking game. If you can say the same, take a drink)

1. Family- All of them. Regardless of how we do or do not get along, I'd not be who I am today without them. They gave me roots, wings, history, and purpose. They are also the ones who have been my strength when I couldn't find any of my own. They also make holidays mo betta because I don't have to do all the cooking or sit by myself watching crappy sappy holiday shows.

a) My mother gets a special mention here because she is and always will be my hero. If you know her and who she is as a mother, wife, grandmother... you'll understand. 

b) My children are my end all be all. No matter how much we complain about each other, bicker, or fight they are my main reason for living. They are amazing, and the depth of their personalities and their hearts make me proud to be their mother. 

2. Friends- I can't name all of them because it would single-handedly bring down the internet. No matter where I've gone in my life I have managed to make the most amazing friends. Without them life would be so very sad indeed. From my girls to my guys, they have provided such warmth and love.

3. Health- What can I say? I'm not sick. Physically. The body is, thus far, holding up pretty well. Cheers to that! Except for the gravity shit. Not real pleased with that, but with some surgical intervention that can be undone. Until then I could probably use duct tape. 

4. Employment- I go to work and get paid for it. This job does not suck. Even when the work itself did, the people made it okay. I'd list all the perks of working here, but I don't need you all asking for applications. Suffice it to say, things could be a lot worse.

5. Laughter- The ability to laugh at myself and my situation, even when the chips are down, is a Godsend. I am fortunate in that respect. No matter how down I get, I can always find a reason to laugh.

6. Tears- Wha what?! Yeah, tears. Sometimes the eyes they get itchy, ya know? Sometimes you just need to be able to let it go, and there is nothing like a good cry to do that. I am not thankful for the puffy post-cry eyes or the red nose or the fact that God didn't make me a pretty crier. I am still thankful for the tears.

7. Past Love- Love them or hate them, past love has brought meaning to my life today. Each broken heart has been a lesson in what I need, what I need to work on, and a stepping stone to a future love.

8. New Love- I love someone. It's true. I consider it a little reminder that I'm not as broken as I think. I'm still capable of loving. That's pretty damned miraculous, right? All things considered... No? Whatever, I'm considering it my super power.

9. Social Media- As I've moved, my friends have moved. As I've changed, my interests have changed. In so many ways technology has added people to my life, many of which I've had the opportunity to meet in real life. They have become my friends and, in a way, my family. If it weren't for technology these incredible friends and family and experiences wouldn't have been a part of my life. From MSN, Match.com, Twitter, Facebook, and Blogs... I swear to God, some of the most amazing and horrendous experiences of my life. You all know who you are. <3

10. The little things- Whether it is easy to make dinners, short lines at the grocers, lower gas prices, or the fact that I'm living somewhere far better than so many other people in the world (and as much I fight it, it's still true), it's these little turns of luck that put you where you are right this very moment. I'm thankful for all those damned little things. When I think, "I wish I could go ____ or maybe even do ____", I have to remind myself that perhaps that isn't what I am supposed to be doing right now. Perhaps that is my tomorrow. Perhaps that is my never, but life could sure as fuck be a lot worse than it is without the little things.

So, if life isn't exactly how I wanted it to be when I am 40... it's been pretty damned good to me, all things considered. 

No comments:

My Zimbio
Top Stories