Friday, July 26, 2013

Office Talk Friday: Penises. Some Things Never Change

Well hello. Fancy meeting you here. Long time no see. Do you come here often? Obviously I don't. It's been a hell of a few weeks and today gives me a brief respite in the part of my life where I put on a fake smile and nod a lot. No, I didn't win a beauty pageant or anything quite so glamorous. When clients visit the office we smile, even when our heads hurt, our eyes are dangerously close to slamming shut, and our asses are dragging. We smiled so much that my face hurt by the end of yesterday. That's over though and so is the fake smiling for a few days.

This, of course, is not to say that I'm not smiling. I am. I so am. Today is the day reserved for office talk with the girls. While it's not exactly a scheduled event and takes place, to one extent or another, every time the girls are all in the office, it is definitely like a holiday. It usually starts around 9 AM. Reports are done, there is a lull in the action, clients aren't in on Fridays (typically), and we have a few moments free to browse the internet. 

I want to give a shout out to Jessie Powell over at Jester Queen for giving us a topic to kick us into high gear. It would seem that one study of penises is never enough. Apparently it is necessary to keep asking guys to talk about their members and comparing the results. Here's what we took away from this very often regurgitated topic... poor word choice I know.

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1. The average length of an erect penis is 5.6 inches. 
One of the girls made a very interesting point. The more things change the more they stay the same. Isn't it odd that for as much as the general population has increased in personal size over the years that penises stayed the same? Men, on average, are taller than they have ever been historically. I would bet that if this same survey had been done in the days of the cavemen the results would have still been the same. "Long enough to get the job done... usually." And the cave women would be sitting around reading the results in CaveDweller Quarterly laughing their asses off at the "usually" part.

2. Bigger isn't always better, but it usually is. 
According to the article, women claim to have more vaginal orgasms with men with penises bigger than the average 5.6 inches. Still, another study suggests that women care more about girth than length. Our independent office study suggests that women prefer a man that gives her an orgasm and if you're still complaining then you should shut the hell up. 

3. The smallest penis in the study was 1.6 inches and the largest was 10.2 inches. 
It was decided that in either situation, if you really liked the guy and discovered he had either of these penises it would be worthy of tears. Yeah yeah we've seen the video. Sure those girls look really happy with Mr. Well Above Average, but those girls are professionals. I'm pretty sure you have to work up to that. That is NOT a starter penis! 

4. Different stimuli creates a different erection. 
The study goes on to suggest that men claimed to have larger erections when the erection is created through oral sex than through fantasizing. Personally I think this is just another trick men use to get blow jobs. "Baby, it will be bigger if you just..." Mmmhmm And the woman will be like, "Dude I am tired. I have been talking about sex all day and my jaw is sore. Your regular size erection will have to do."

There is so much more to discuss, but I have a single evening of nothing to do before I get back to doing something tomorrow. Feel free to talk among yourselves and get back to me with any questions about erections, because after reading today's article I feel like an erexpert!

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