Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Lady Boners and a Leap Forward in Parenting

Scene: We open on a Pontiac G6 Northbound on Minnesota Avenue....

Daughter- The other day at work I was looking at Lady Boners and...
Me- WHAT? At work!? ALEX! Don't look at that shit at the office!
Daughter- Oh, GOD! That's what they're called. It's like attractive men. I can't help that that's what they call it. 
Me- (spitting coffee at the steering wheel) Ha.. (gasp) Sorry,  not what I thought. 

As my daughter saves her pennies for her move to Arizona, she's come to the realization that she cannot do this while sitting at home on her behind studying for her MRS. degree. I won't lie folks, it was a moment I'd been waiting for. I realize that the American dream is to have enough money to be able to sit on your pretty little ass and just enjoy life, but part of me has always hoped my kids would gain the sense of achievement that comes from earning a living. My daughter, young though she may be, came to that conclusion after only a month of sitting in her living room with a laptop and TV, broke as a joke, after having experienced life in a city 1500 miles away.

From the moment she decided not to accept my offer of assistance for college, she and I have embarked upon an entirely different parent/child relationship. Her once wayward boyfriend who lived in our spare room has become her fiance. The early morning nag sessions of, "Are you awake? Get up. You need to get to class." have gone by the wayside. She's an adult. She moved into my rental suite. She got a job. She pays rent. She pays her insurance. I have to shut the f* up and just be another person in her life now. 

For me, STFU when it comes to my kids is weird. That's not what we do as parents is it? We poke our noses in. We dictate. We direct. We... what? Then they grow up. Then we watch. We offer. We console. We nod and then point in the general direction of the answer and smile. What the hell is that?! 

If you have more than one kid, you're pretty much set in a 20+ year pattern of, "Don't do that. Do this." I'm stuck between that mode and the, "Do what you like. I'm sure you know what you're doing." mode. It's completely unfamiliar to me. I didn't get to this mode with my mom until I had a husband and a child of my own.

I mean really... how do you go from telling your kid to stop picking their nose at age 3 to discussing Lady Boners at age almost 20 without wondering if you missed a step? How did I get from there to Lady Boners?
This one is for you, Azra... okay and a little for me. Lady Boner... Uh, yeah. 

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