Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Show Me a Unicorn: Crisis of Faith

"Sometimes bad things happen to good people." We've all heard it. It's the thing we say when we can't explain why something has happened to someone we don't feel deserved the punishment we feel God has meted out for the situation.

I am ready to see something good happen to someone who's been kicked in the teeth more times than they deserve. I'm ready to see something good happen to someone where they don't feel like it's a fluke. I'm ready to see God step in and say, "Enough is enough. You've proven yourself. Here... rest." I'm tired of hearing people say, "God only gives you what you can handle" while I watch people struggle with hardship upon hardship. If you weren't raised with faith how can you know when it's time to throw in the towel? Show me the God who gives someone a blessing that doesn't come in the disguise of a tragedy for a change. Show me the God who gives someone who doesn't know him a blessing where they see without having been shown the love they deserved to have been shown all along.

You know those stories from people about how they were in the midst of a terrible situation, suffering the fates of their actions, and they found God and then God made their lives x times better? Sure you do. We hear it all the time from prisoners. It usually goes something like, "I did a really bad thing. Then I got caught. Then I went to prison. Then I found God and he told me I shouldn't do bad things. Now I don't do them and now my life is better."

I'm ready to see God step in and show someone his glory before they are sitting in a jail cell. When a child is raised by being kicked in the teeth how can they possibly believe that simply telling themselves that something exists....that it does. They did that with parents who didn't follow through and neighbors who just kept quiet when they should have stepped in. I'm ready for God to give someone a sign when they weren't begging to see it.

How often do you hear people say, "I just wish I could one time see a real life unicorn so I could believe in unicorns!" We don't. We don't because we've stopped believing that unicorns could possibly exist. When you see someone who has come up hard with every road block thrown in their path, how can you NOT wish that God would step in and say, "Hey, I know you don't know me. I know you don't believe I'm real, but let me show you something awesome. 'BAM!' Okay, cool right? So let's start over. Hi, I'm God. I'd like to show you love."

How do you explain a miracle to someone who has yet to experience one? How do you tell someone to just believe, when every single thing they've believed in has failed them? Crisis of faith? You're damned right. I was raised to see the miracles. I believe in the little things. I grew up believing that there was always a balance. When I see someone important to a person I care about facing a tragedy and I know that person hasn't been raised with faith, I can't help but ask..."God, maybe this once... show them love."

While I'm at it, I might as well ask that instead of everyone wishing others would see God "their" way, that they could just wish that God would show himself in other's lives. Stop wishing for everyone to see things your way and just wish God would show them love.

Alright... I'm done now. :) Thanks for letting me rant.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

While I've Been Away: Summer, Spice, Cocktails, and Stuff

Hello my lovelies! Greetings from the land of... well, I'm not sure what the hell South Dakota is the land of. Reservations? Shitty video lottery casinos? Pasty white folks? Siouxland? Rushmore? Eh, whatever we're the land of... greetings from it! 

I feel like this is a confessional lately. Dear Readers, It's been x days since my last confessions. Work has been busy and good. There's been a lot to do, great news, new business, and aside from all of that, it's paying the bills. Hurrah! I'm sure there are a lot of people who will tell me that work isn't what life is all about, but when you have kids to feed and a mortgage it sort of is. My kids suck at camping and I don't know of a single campsite for tents that has a plugin for my straightening iron. So bite me. :) 

Last weekend I spent a couple days with the coolest people on the planet (aside from my kids). My mom, little sis, and her boys took a little time to roll down to Council Bluffs and do a little shopping, eating, and swimming for the holiday. I have to say, I have never spent time with two little ones that didn't cry the entire time. How in the hell do you get kids that are that happy? Regardless, we had a great time, though I am pretty sure my sister is a power shopper and I'll plan ahead and take more time browsing next time. 

I feel obligated to show a few pics from the weekend. Quite possibly the cutest kids in the strangest pajamas wearing the most kick ass John Deere work boots. For the record, they wore those boots all weekend, regardless of the outfit they were sporting. Apparently, you can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the boy out of his boots. 

Aside from my regular family/work time I managed to squeeze in a little marketing time as well. If anyone is interested in owning a little piece of British engineering, you can check out my Mom's toy here. She decided to sell her last baby, and that's cool... none of us wanted to compete anymore anyway! 
Sure, she's sportier and cuter than me, but... 

Anyway, we've reached the weekend and this is what's going on: 

1. Sleep: I fell asleep at 8:30 last night. This is weird because I never thought of myself as a loser until I woke up at 7 AM this morning, SATURDAY, wondering why I had all sorts of energy. As it turns out, that early to bed early to rise crap is true. Ugh. I got a shitload of stuff done, including new solar lights for the back walkway. 

2. Grilling: Today I bought my very own gas grill. It's a huge deal. No more coming home in the afternoon and finding out we don't have charcoal or fluid. That's right... now I can come home and say, "Who the hell forgot to shut off the propane!? Why is the tank empty?!" SWEET!  I had decided today was going to be sun, fun, grilling, laziness, vodka punch, and the like. As it turns out I might not have the tools I need to assemble. Also both of the strapping young men that eat my food and live in my house, and use my utilities, and all that jazz have to work. Add to that the grill doesn't come with a propane tank. I should read the box, eh? So tomorrow... when it's raining and still in the 80s, when it's sweaty and bothersome, when I have properly wasted my afternoon dreaming away the work week laying in the sun not giving any concern to the sun scorching me... THEN we'll grill. 

3. Music: I've realized I have a shitload of really depressing music on my playlists. I must have loaded those when I was suffering winter blues. I found myself making the "oh God just kill me" face. So instead of listening to that I've decided to play this on repeat for a bit while I dance like no one's watching and reorganize my schtuff: 

4. Spice: Last weekend I bought what promised to be spicy guacamole. It was not. Today at the store I found Wholly Guacamole Spicy snack packs. I'm pretty sure it will kill me or clog an artery, but I'll die happy. 

5. Cocktails: My friend Todd is my one stop source for new cocktail recipes. This is the newest. Might I suggest a couple of Tylenol to start? 

Parky's Punch
(mix in a pint sized mason jar)
4 oz UV Salty Watermelon vodka
8 oz Monster Absolute Zero
Note: This is a 1:2 recipe, so depending on your tolerance you might want to change it up to 1:3. I seriously recommend 1:3 or 1:4. Tasty though it may be, I'd suggest you know your place before you start drinking it 1:2. Before you know it you'll be all 1:1 and then you're going to be flat on your ass wasted and waking up naked, sweaty, and regretful. The Monster gives you more energy than anyone consuming alcohol should have. You've been warned. 

Here's another great Salty Watermelon drink! 

That's all I have today, folks. Enjoy the rest of your weekend and don't forget to play nice with the other kids. 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Week in Review: King of Tweakers, Vodka I don't Have, and My Thighs

It's almost swimwear season according to the calendar, though you might not recognize it by the forecast. Regardless, I've taken it upon myself to pull out the scale, buy new running shoes, agree to really stupid fitness goals for next year, and look at my thighs in the mirror. My advice to everyone is to not look at your thighs more than once a week. It's more depressing than weighing yourself daily.

I decided to get back to a plan similar to what has been successful for me in the past. Using the Weight Watchers point system equivalents, I get to eat basically nothing unless you count eating as much as I want of foods I don't like. It works pretty well. I even cut out a large amount of wine, which though generally consumed on my boss' tab, is pretty high in calories. It's been going great. Not a single person has died by my hand all week.

It's not been without it's ill side-effects, though. For instance, my memory is slipping. Today I had every intention of spoiling myself with a little vodka Redbull cocktail after work. When I got home I stripped out of the pretty clothes and slid into my favorite jeans and sweatshirt. I surrounded myself with all the things I need to work from my home office (the bed). I pulled up a file I'd emailed myself and poured myself a drink. About half way through the beverage I thought to myself, "This drink is weak. I can hardly taste the vodka." It was at that moment that I realized that, all good intentions aside, I had forgotten to buy vodka let alone put any in the glass. See? Healthy living isn't perfect.

Here's my newest addition to my jog-jam.

Thanks to Matt H., this song is floating around the office, and a few of us are singing along thinking of people we know. I have to be careful when listening to it at work. It's hard to control your head when sound is pumping into your ears at a level even my GS3 warns me is too loud. The best verse? "I did it to myself I can't ignore. I'm beating myself up like a dirty whore." That's exactly what getting back into the healthy living/running lifestyle is like. You got out of practice of your own accord and going back to a jog then a run from a complacent 4.5 mph is a bitch.

For anyone who just listens to the song and wonders, "OMG is Angie on meth?" the answer is no. Have you seen my thighs? My ass? I can't afford a habit. If I could I'd pick something that didn't cause a person to pick at their face. I'm vain that way. Also, I like sleep far too much to choose a habit that keeps me awake. Thanks in advance for your concern though. Sincerely.

So here's what has happened since I last checked in: 

1. My son's school called and asked if he could be recommended for a new school program next year tailored to his health needs. Four hours a day, online in a classroom environment, same class load, no multi-level school to maneuver. It would have been great if this had been available to his sister too, but we're hopeful. I worry about his AP classes and an online environment, though I'm assured the teachers are qualified to help him when needed. We're really focusing on personal responsibility.

2. Work. A shitload of that.

3. SprocketInk - Here's what I covered for the snarkiest view at the news this week:
Hold Your Applause: The Clap Makes a Comeback This is just exactly what you think... with a bit of really scary "you can die from this shit" sort of news and disgusting imagery. You're welcome.
Surprise Package Contains Threatening Dildo  I've been to a Tractor Supply store before, and a Wheeler's, and a Bomgaar's yet I've never seen a threatening dildo there. Maybe I've been looking in the wrong aisle?

4. Planned a little weekend get away with the little sis and the Mom. In honor of Mother's Day three of us Mothers are going to get a suite in/near the city and party our asses off! Okay we're actually just going to Council-tucky for a little shopping, pedicure maybe, foodstravaganza, hotel pool swimming evening with the little ones.

Wishing you all the very best that the weekend has to offer. Try not to get arrested. Peace.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Lady Boners and a Leap Forward in Parenting

Scene: We open on a Pontiac G6 Northbound on Minnesota Avenue....

Daughter- The other day at work I was looking at Lady Boners and...
Me- WHAT? At work!? ALEX! Don't look at that shit at the office!
Daughter- Oh, GOD! That's what they're called. It's like attractive men. I can't help that that's what they call it. 
Me- (spitting coffee at the steering wheel) Ha.. (gasp) Sorry,  not what I thought. 

As my daughter saves her pennies for her move to Arizona, she's come to the realization that she cannot do this while sitting at home on her behind studying for her MRS. degree. I won't lie folks, it was a moment I'd been waiting for. I realize that the American dream is to have enough money to be able to sit on your pretty little ass and just enjoy life, but part of me has always hoped my kids would gain the sense of achievement that comes from earning a living. My daughter, young though she may be, came to that conclusion after only a month of sitting in her living room with a laptop and TV, broke as a joke, after having experienced life in a city 1500 miles away.

From the moment she decided not to accept my offer of assistance for college, she and I have embarked upon an entirely different parent/child relationship. Her once wayward boyfriend who lived in our spare room has become her fiance. The early morning nag sessions of, "Are you awake? Get up. You need to get to class." have gone by the wayside. She's an adult. She moved into my rental suite. She got a job. She pays rent. She pays her insurance. I have to shut the f* up and just be another person in her life now. 

For me, STFU when it comes to my kids is weird. That's not what we do as parents is it? We poke our noses in. We dictate. We direct. We... what? Then they grow up. Then we watch. We offer. We console. We nod and then point in the general direction of the answer and smile. What the hell is that?! 

If you have more than one kid, you're pretty much set in a 20+ year pattern of, "Don't do that. Do this." I'm stuck between that mode and the, "Do what you like. I'm sure you know what you're doing." mode. It's completely unfamiliar to me. I didn't get to this mode with my mom until I had a husband and a child of my own.

I mean really... how do you go from telling your kid to stop picking their nose at age 3 to discussing Lady Boners at age almost 20 without wondering if you missed a step? How did I get from there to Lady Boners?
This one is for you, Azra... okay and a little for me. Lady Boner... Uh, yeah. 

My Zimbio
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