Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Match.com Week One: A Retrospective

It's been a week now since I joined Match.com. I might be the only person in the world who cried the entire time while filling out the profile. It turns out there are many nice people or profiles out there. It's been fun window shopping for sure! There are also some things I've seen that make me question the age, wisdom, sanity, and amount of friends some of these people have.

I had a couple of friends review my profile for me. It's good to get a little perspective. For instance, I was encouraged not to write, "My uterus is no longer renting space to fetuses." Apparently it's only funny to me and checking "no" on the box that asks if you want more kids is sufficient. I was also discouraged from discussing my passion for hats and black shoes. It comes across as a tendency toward hoarding or being materialistic. Point taken.

Is your profile not getting the attention you think it deserves? Maybe you could have a friend help you round out the sharp edges! If you don't have a friend  (sad face), here are some things to consider:

1. Unless you were born in 1969 stop using 69 in your user name. It's not funny. It's not sexy. You're not 15. "1269u2day"? Are you kidding me? Also, pointing out how clever your user name is by saying, "Just read my name, doll." makes me want to throw up. Maybe on you.

2. I am sure that facial hair took forever to grow in. That fluff you're calling mutton chops and that unkempt face full of fur are your calling cards. I get it. Just a tip though, women are visual too. If we can't picture what you look like under that pelt you're cultivating on your face we are far more likely to skip right by. If you must keep the facial hair make sure it's trimmed up nicely.

3. If you are even remotely scary looking it is not wise to put a low light picture on your profile. It makes you look like a crazy basement dwelling axe murderer.

4. Spell check. Spell check. Spell check. Also is a single word. It is not 'all so'.

5. I understand. You took a marketing class. You're supposed to create a buzz, some demand, and a sense of urgency. You are not a fire sale. Sending out a message with your phone number in it warning me that you're subscription is about to expire and I'll lose my chance to talk to you is not going to further your cause.

6. Nothing says, "I'll lock you down and be a controlling prick." like an email sent minutes after your last email accusing me of being bored and then telling me that you've "figured out what my problem is." It officially bores me. Wait... maybe you're right!

7. You have a computer or a smart phone. It's obvious by the fact that it's almost 2013 and you have an online dating profile. Somewhere out there is a photo of you. Use it. Yes, there is more to life than appearances, but chemistry is a huge deal. If you honestly do not have a photo, have someone take one of you. It won't hurt. You can take more than one.

That's all I've got for today, but I'll be back later in the week with some news from the online dating world. Maybe. Unless I get married. I'll probably be back. So I'll definitely be back.

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