Thursday, September 13, 2012

Three Reasons She Said No

Disclaimer: I will state for the record that I am pretty much the biggest offender of everything I preach against. Physician, heal thyself. I know. I know. That's what I do in my spare time... between kids, home, work, lady lunches, and blog... oh and Twitter, Facebook, email, and text messages... I work on not being a dork. So far, I'm a lot better than I was 2 years ago when I started this process. Let's not get into what I use as a measuring stick, mmmkay. I'm just better than I was(said for my family... well the one that reads this).

When it comes to long term friends, women have a higher count in my book. I have quite a few guy friends too, but men usually have a shelf life of however long it takes them to get a girlfriend. Many women are just not comfortable with their men having females as besties. It's always a bummer to lose one, but it's given me a chance to look inside quite a few of the minds of men I am friends with.

Break ups are sad, and while women often get painted with the "hot mess" label when it comes to emotions, it's important to note that men have those feelings as well. Today I'm going to reveal the top three things newly single guys do (permission granted by a few of my awesome male friends/readers) that keep them from picking up that hottie they are trying to bed. Ready?

1. Sensitivity. 
Okay, I know you've been hearing this crap about women wanting sensitive guys. It's completely out of context. You heard sensitive and thought "female". You're wrong. Still don't want to see you cry unless you lost a limb, and even then... could you swear while you do it? Sensitive about pets? Your kids? Your Nana who raised you that just died? Got it. Still don't want to see you crying any more than you want to see US crying. Sad movie/TV show? At least have the decency to lie about there being something in your eye. We won't believe you, but it makes us laugh and forget that we saw you crying.

2. Lost Love. 
We don't want to hear it. Really. Women are taught at an early age to shut the hell up about our issues when we're with a new guy. Do you know what happens to women who pull this crap? Hump and dump. Who wants to be with someone that's obviously still hung up on their ex? This is pre-relationship discussion, not pre-date discussion. You didn't like finding out your ex was sleeping with someone else. Now imagine how your potential date feels. She probably doesn't want to hear about it either.

Side note: One of my less than eloquent guys informed me that when a girl tells him about the slut her ex screwed around with, he immediately stops listening and starts to wonder what the other chick looked like.

3. Still In a Relationship. 
So you're separated, huh? That sucks and I know it hurts. (virtual hugs) Been there. It's painful. Sometimes you just want someone to hold you and tell you it's okay. Sometimes you just want to curl up in a ball and cry and... If you tell a woman you're separated and can't figure out why she doesn't want to go out with you, let me clue you in. We worry that you're going to go back. It's a liability. Combine this separated/recently divorced situation with #1 or #2 and you're immediately put on the list of guy friends we won't date and quite possibly watch for self-harming tendencies.

Women do all of these things. Believe me, the things I've heard from the guys is enough to make me physically shudder. I've heard things that made me look inside and mentally slap myself for past faux pas. It also made me realize that we're a lot more alike than we want to believe. No one wants a crier. No one wants to be with someone who is in love with someone else. No one seeking a relationship wants to be the rebound/gap fill.

Finally, we've all heard the "Nice guys finish last" gripe. Nice guys around the world have been saying it forever. Trust me, the nice girls out there are thinking the same thing. Every time we see a nice guy walking off into the sunset with a girl who is leading him by his 'nose', whilst slapping him down, ridiculing him, and making him feel like he's lucky she even bothered to collar him... we die a little inside. Know your value. It's sexy.

Parting note: Guys, for more tips on being newly single, head on over to It Was Dark, Stormy, and I Lost My Serial Comma for tips from one of your own. Take a razor. You're going to need it.

Up Next: Where is your line in the sand? How much "crazy" are you willing to put up with for a great physical attraction? Email me!  (mostly because I want to know how insane I'm actually allowed to be before it's too much)

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