Friday, September 7, 2012

Friday Confessional

At first I thought maybe I'd find Narnia in here, but no... 
In an effort to prevent any man from ever wanting to have a long term relationship with me, much less take me on a date where sex isn't expected at the end of the night, I decided to start this blog. It's a little late in the game to be going back and deleting all of the posts where I come across as less than ideal. Deleting this whole tawdry mess would probably be the easiest route, but I would likely just start another one the next time I felt like I needed to get something off my chest aside from a bra. Because let's be realistic, if I blogged every time I took off my bra you'd be reading a hell of a lot more than this and I'd get even less done. Why mess up a relatively good thing? I mean it's good for me? Is it good for you? Lie to me if you need to.

In keeping with the true purpose of this place, I feel it's time for a little Friday confessional. For any of you considering getting to know me outside of this blog, you might want to listen up.  

1. Best Friends- I have a few. They are compartmentalized to certain parts of my life. Most of them won't be shocking to you. One of them will. He's a guy. He's hot. We've seen each other naked. We managed to not hold it against each other... literally, and I'll expect the same from you. 

2. Fuckeduppedness- Ask me how I am and I'll say I'm okay. It's a complete lie. I'm either good or not. When I'm not good I'm a hot mess of "what in the hell happened to her?" (sorry, Mom... I've been extra sweary lately, I know) Most of the time I can smile through it until I make things right with myself or whatever evil piece of crap curve ball I feel life has undeservedly thrown over my plate. When I can't I am probably going to cry. I won't do it in front of you and when I come out of whatever damned hiding place I sneaked off to, a hug is fine, a joke is better. 

3. Money- I don't have any. I have a relatively low paying job and a relatively low paying side job. No one here clicks enough links to do more than pay off my domain registration. It would be unwise of you to expect me to support you in any monetary fashion. Call it poor planning, call it a shitty economy, but don't call me for cash.

4. Politics- I hate it. I hate hearing about it. I hate reading about it. I hate talking about it (except with one person). Don't tell me how you feel about your candidate, because I don't care. I won't tell you about mine. We'll be happier that way. I offered to sell my vote in the last election to my ex if he would just shut the hell up. He didn't, and look where THAT got him. 

5. Skeletons- We all have those don't we? They keep us from becoming a skin bag on the floor. I've never killed anyone so I don't have any extras hanging in a closet somewhere and I most certainly expect the same of my potential suitors. Baggage is a different story.

6. Baggage- OOOOOOOOOOH Lord. I have some. You probably do too. A matching set might be nice. Mine is black with a telescoping travel handle and wheels. What's yours like? How often do you take it out? I unpack mine from time to time just to see what's left inside, and then I put things back in it that I don't want to look at and put it in the closet. You can look in there if you want to, but I can't be responsible for what you find.

7. Passport- If you don't have one you might want to get one. I am usually on the verge of abandoning all hope and fleeing the country. It would be super cool to find someone to go with me. Are you from some cool country I'd like to live in? Double points for that.

For more revealing information, you can read my letter, To My Future Husband... it's full of sex, lies, and chocolate. Sorry about what I said about your mother. I'm sure she's wonderful.

Now get on out there and enjoy your weekend! I am told the weather will be beautiful!

1 comment:

Kaloo5 said...

Am I the only one who reads your blog and smiles just coz its always such a cool and honest mirror to look into?
I suspect there are many others :)

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