Friday, August 3, 2012

The Case of the Sexy Assistant

I remember it as if it were yesterday, though to be honest it was the day before. As I sat at my desk, lamenting the woes of a single woman struggling to make ends meet, the unmistakable ping from my Outlook drew my attention back to the task at hand. Little did I know that it would be this very email that would change my life forever, or for the next few minutes. Something like that.

Many of you will be familiar with the sort of email this was intended to be. It was a warning of sorts, the type that is meant to make you aware of a threat that directly targets a person such as yourself. In this case, it was a heads up that something nefarious was afoot on Craigslist, and not just ANY Craigslist, the one that bears the location of Sioux Falls. Yes, right here in River City. With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for... wait, no that's the wrong song. Anyway, it was a local ad. The subject line read, "This is a scary ad." Dah dah dahhhh.

Looking to hire Executive Administrative Assistant
Looking for a vivacious and intelligent person who is self motivated and goal oriented.

DUTIES/EXPECTATIONS
> DILIGENT WITH ABILITY TO MULTITASK
> MOTIVATED AND A SELF STARTER
> EYE-CANDY FOR BUSINESS MEETINGS AND DAILY WORK
> COFFEE, REPORTS, AND REGULAR ERRANDS...
> NOTE TAKING AND SHORTHAND PREFERRED
> MUST BE FUN AND ENERGETIC WITH A GREAT ATTITUDE
> MICROSOFT OFFICE EXPERIENCE
> MUST ENJOY DRESSING SEXY AND BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION!!
> MUST BE SEXY, FLIRTATIOUS, AND WILLING TO WORK
> MUST HAVE GOOD COMMUNICATION/ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS...
> MUST BE SPONTANEOUS AND LIKE HAVING FUN ON THE JOB...
> MUST BE CREATIVE AND INNOVATIVE WITH ABILITY
> TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX...
>
>
COMPENSATION
Negotiated
VACATION 3 WEEKS/yr PAID
BENEFITS MEDICAL/DENTAL/401K
>
>
>
> THIS IS A POSITION THAT REQUIRES BRAINS AND BEAUTY.
> I AM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE REWARDED FOR
> WHAT THEY HAVE TO OFFER BOTH PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.
>
>
> IF INTERESTED...
> REPLY WITH PHOTO
> SCHEDULE
> RESUME
> CONTACT INFO

I read it. I reread it. I passed it on to Michelle. I passed it on to David. I accused my boss of secretly looking to replace me. Then I browsed my pictures folder on my computer for one of me wearing something particularly sexy. No luck.

Truthfully, I understand what the outrage might be from a female standpoint. I'm not naive in the ways of the world. We've worked very hard to be respected for our capabilities and not the size of our bra cups. It's been a long and winding road we've been made to travel. The nerve! I swear! How dare someone post an ad like this filled with... honesty!?

Before I began working for the company I am currently with, I worked for a man who ogled me, made sexual comments to/about me, asked me to beat him with a stick, and acted completely inappropriately. Not once did I make any extra money for it. NOT ONCE! While many women would chastise me for not being shocked and appalled by this posting, I have to say that I'm rather the opposite. I'm impressed as hell.

At least if you took a job for this person you would know exactly what was expected of you. No where in the ad does it say that you'll be required to perform sexual deeds or that you must allow groping. It simply says exactly what is required. Be sexy, take care of yourself and look good, be willing to be the center of attention, and be flirted with. Oh, also, know how to use Microsoft Office. Which I do, by the way. Plus, 3 weeks vacation and 401K? SUH-WEEEEET!

So I forwarded the email on to our Denver office to show my girl Sarah. I had seen all I needed to see, I knew all I needed to know, save one small detail. Is there a clothing allowance?

I posted this ad to Facebook and was heart broken to find out that a friend had already applied. He said he's just waiting for an offer. I guess I should have noticed it wasn't gender specific!

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