My friend put my mind at ease when he explained that he would write the post, open for all comments, looking for some undiscovered wisdom, and all I would need to do is reach out to my peeps for a little feedback. I breathed a sigh of relief. I just have to be the hostess? What will I serve? Is this a tea cake function? Home made stone fired pizza? Cocktails or coffee? Oh... just post the damned thing? Right then, no need to get snippy. Don't bitch later when you're hungry or thirsty!
Without further ado, I bring you our Guest Post! (Please note that there is back history available on this post available via the link at the beginning of our Guest Post)
My story doesn't start with a little post that a friend posted. My marriage is the Titanic right now and instead of trying to find a lifeboat, I stand paralyzed on deck hoping that the unsinkable will stay afloat. I heard the promises made and I believed them. Instead of bogging down her blog with my cries in the wilderness, I've decided to spread the love a little bit, because friends are all around me to comfort me and help me. Which brings me to the topic of friends.
I love them all. I've got a great collection of friends in both the blogging world as well as in real life. I have female friends and male friends, diverse ages and ethnicities and backgrounds. I can say about all of them that they feel they have my best interests at heart every day and every time we talk. There isn't a self serving individual among them.
But to whom should I listen?
There are those who would wish for my marriage to be saved. My church friends for the most part understand my desire to make it work. They say I can forgive and seek forgiveness and save the marriage. The dishonesty and deception are almost harder to deal with than anything else. They can't envision that I would need to be a jerk in any way. They feel that God will just fix it.
There are other friends who tell me that she has made her bed. She should just get out. I shouldn't make it easy on her. I should metaphorically lay the hammer down. These fierce friends are also those that would be the first to accept her if she came back.
There are those that feel I am being clingy and that women don't like to be fought for in that way. I understand that every emotion I show to her will likely push her further away. This is a hard thing to realize.
I'm trying to understand her and there are those that say women say they want a sensitive man, but they really don't. I should say what I mean and be a rock, unwavering in my convictions.
I am nothing like a rock.
I see a scared, hurt woman who made a bad decision or three. I see the young girl I knew so long ago in the overalls with the eyebrows and the dance moves. I see the mother of my children. I see the wilder side with a bottle of wine.
I see that every kind overture from me cuts her like a knife. The more I fight for her, the more I push her away.
Every kind word is a reminder of kinder words spoken too long ago. The more I say, the more ammunition she has to rebut.
Is she taking advantage of the history that she likely remembers far better than I do. Am I being lead around this dance floor?
I decided I wanted to offer stability to the kids, so I decided I wasn't moving back out once I came home. I wanted to be in my home, with my kids, the place where my marriage lived and she merely had to choose it. She took up residence down the hall but has decided it cannot be over quickly enough. She says I am using the children, but that I have to explain why mommy can't stay.
Every fiber in me knows that by making her make that awful choice I am steering her back. I don't want he to have to come back, I don't want her to need to come back. I want her to want to come back. I know she needs to make an even more terrible mistake before she is ever going to see what she had.
I'm sure that you've got an opinion, Feel free to join the others. Lifeboats to the left, end of the world party to the right.