Sunday, June 17, 2012

Isn't it time we gave hate a chance?

When it comes to relationships there is a very fine line between love and hate. It's a scientific fact. A study by a professor at University of London showed that much of the same brain circuitry is used when both love and hate are felt. The big difference? Hate allows for logic, where love is seemingly the lack of.

This goes a long way in explaining why I rarely feel hatred on a relationship level. I am generally illogical in matters of the heart. Personally, I still love every man I have ever loved. Perhaps not who they really are, but who I believed them to be when I fell in love. Definitely not enough to return to them should they come begging, but I still love them, or their traits, or maybe even their hearts.

While hatred has often seemed the logical answer, I don't often let myself go down that road. After a particularly painful breakup, a friend advised me that "if it doesn't end badly it doesn't end", as her way of telling me to embrace the hate so I could move forward with no regrets and no ties. There have been times when I wished I had taken that advice. Often I should have not just burned the bridge, but rented a backhoe, tore out the roads, and filled the river with crocodiles, rusty razor blades, and barrels of battery acid. It would have been quicker, less painful, and in the end perhaps healthier.

Is my long lasting love for others entirely unselfish? On the contrary, as time goes by I believe it to be quite the opposite. Holding on to those feelings of love has kept me from having to admit to myself that I am a really shitty judge of character. Make that super shitty. If there were a super hero power to find and date total douche bags, I would be the strongest super hero with that particular power. Ever. For real. I'd wear a kick ass leotard and cape and really awesome boots. Right across my chest would be a big "I" for Idiot. Or maybe "P" for Pathetic. I'm still working on the super hero name... "Really Shitty Judge of Character Girl" seems to be a bit drawn out.

I mean seriously, there has to be something of value in the men that I foolishly gave my heart to, right? Of course there is... probably. But it's not like they benefit in any way from my ability to remember a small detail that makes them lovable though, do they? Nope. Just me. I'm the only one who gets anything out of it.

I get sort of hateful just thinking about it. I really need to start agreeing with my friends when they point out that I date complete douche bags. No more will I say, "Well, yeah he's a douche MOST of the time, but he's not ALL douche. He was okay this one time." Perhaps it's time I give hate a chance. Maybe it's the key to finding real love. Nah, that's illogical. Besides, there was one time when he held me in his arms and....

Alright, your turn folks. Are you a lover or a hater? When it comes to moving forward, what's your best strategy? 

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