Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I was okay until you asked if I was okay

Friend- Stop being so serious.

Me- Um, okay?

Friend- Are you okay?

Me- What would lead you to believe that I am being serious or not okay?

Friend- Because you're acting accordingly.

Me- Now I have to go back through my texts and check. Did I not :) or LOL enough? If not, :) :) LOL haha!!

This really gave me pause. What had I done that made my friend think that I was somehow in a bad mood, depressed, feeling serious, etc.? I looked back through my texts, and the only thing I could find was a lack of LOLs and smiley faces. Perhaps the fact that it was during my work day would be reason enough that I didn't respond as favorably as anticipated? Maybe it was that I was in the middle of a meeting? Regardless, I felt the need to supply everyone with a list of ways to know that I am "not okay" or "feeling serious" so that I don't have to have this exchange again.

How to tell if I am serious or sad:

1. You find my multi-tool knife in your tire's sidewall.
You have made me serious and sad. You don't even need to ask what you've done. I am pretty even keeled when it comes to how I show my emotions to other people. If you find your tire flat and evidence that I've been there, you can guarantee that it was not accidental. You have pissed me off. You have made me sad. You've made me wonder what the hell I was doing being your friend or dating you.

2. I call you crying
Unless I say the word "aw", you can assume my tears are that of sadness or seriousness. Chances are if I see a puppy or a new baby, I will say "awwwwwww". Double the chances that those are not times I will call you. I am not that person. I don't cry with joy. When happy shit happens I smile really big. If I call you crying, you can assume that I am in a serious mood. Triple the odds that I am sad.

3. I call you swearing
Even if you pick up the phone and I seem okay, if it's been months since we spoke and I begin my litany of curse words immediately after the obligatory greetings.... I'm angry. I am serious. I am not sad. I'm pissed off. Let's not mistake this for something you can fix. It will only end in blood. Maybe yours. Your best choice at this point is to agree with me and encourage me to not kill someone. Remind me jail is unpleasant and wishing someone would cook and clean for me is NOT the same as prison.

In all other circumstances, if you have any idea who I am at all, you will know the difference between me being busy/occupied or sad/serious. I am not a person of a million faces or personalities. Even when I try to pretend I am not angry or upset, I suck at it and anyone who is, at the very least, my friend will know the truth.

Better yet, if you want to know how I am, call me. Please don't try to diagnose my mental state by the lack of smiley faces, LOLs, or other obvious joking mannerisms. My mental state is far more screwed up than you might think and 99% of it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Putting it on yourself or somehow involving yourself in it is a big ass mistake. I choose my friends for a reason. No where on my list of friend qualifications is there a point which asks if you're capable of diagnosing my emotional issues.

So... LOL, HA-HA, LMAO, :) , TFF, ;) , ROTFLAMO. I'm okay. I''m actually better than okay. I'm just really busy. I'm not even talking to my family... just ask them, normally you can't shut me up.

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