Friday, May 11, 2012

How To Ask Someone Out

It's the weekend, kids! For those of you unattached, single, and ready to mingle, do you have a date this weekend? Have you checked your Match, PlentyofFish, eHarmony, or Yahoo Personals account(s) yet? There could be a lover in there waiting for you! What about that cutie at the grocery store? Ooh how about that hot guy/girl at the book store? Favorite bartender? Someone?  Anyone? Have you asked?

Given the fact that's it's Friday evening, you are probably out of luck for this weekend, but that doesn't mean you can't get yourself out there to mingle and make a possible love connection for another time! Perhaps you're thinking, "There's always tomorrow night!". You're right. Tomorrow is another day, Scarlet. It could happen, but should it?

Wednesday night I met some friends for ladies night at Icon, and as usual the conversation went from work to family and relationships. We hit the highlights of our week; frustrations, flirtations, and heartaches. Toward the end of the hour, one of my friends said, "So I hear you've been trying to get together with _____." I'm sure the look on my face registered confusion for at least the first few seconds before it broke into a big smile. "Really? That's funny because we don't actually talk. I've shared every interaction we've had with you. That's the extent of it. Did he tell you that?" I asked.

As it turns out, the man in question told his friend... who happens to know me and who also happens to be close to one of my best friends. If this is sounding quite high school like, you're dead on. Some people never grow up apparently.

In honor of this gentleman's misstep, I've got a little list to share with you that may help you with your future in dating. So without further ado, let's roll.

1. Ask the person out at least 3 days in advance. 
If you want to get to know someone before you ask them out, you might want to find out what they do in their spare time, where they go, and what they enjoy. Perhaps a group outing would be best. Asking someone to meet you when you're already out is certainly not a date. It also suggests that you're surveying the scene and can't find anything better so you're calling for a fall back. No one wants to be thought of as a last minute good time.

2. Do not Facebook message or email your invite. 
Technology is great isn't it? You can do almost everything without lifting anything more than your fingers on the home row (kudos if you know what the hell home row is without clicking the link). What you cannot, or should not do is email, Facebook, or DM your potential date with an invitation. If you want someone to spend some time with you face to face you should have the decency to call them to ask them to join you (in advance... see #1). If you've got time to send something in text form, you've got time to step into a quiet area and make a phone call.

3. Do not talk about your sexual prowess. 
You can talk all you like, but talk does not always equate to action. Sure, sexy talk is fun when you've gotten to know someone, but it's hard to take someone seriously if they jump right in with talk about their knowledge of how your body works. Just like no two snowflakes are the same, no two people are the same. Just because you knew how to make your exes climax doesn't mean you know jack about what your potential partner likes. Save it for later. You're setting yourself and your potential partner up for letdown.

4. Avoid blanket statements.
This one I'll give you is from personal experience. I knew the things I didn't like about my exes, and I would state upfront that I didn't like a particular fashion or activity. In reality, I didn't like those things as I associated them with someone who had broken my heart. If you want to be picky, be picky on the big issues. Don't choose things like "I don't like people who wear ___ label." I actually own a Coach bag that isn't leather. It's got the "C" print cloth. I love it. I can't afford the leather one. If that takes me off someones list, that's perfectly alright with me.

5. Don't run your mouth.
It doesn't matter where you live, it's a small world. You might want to consider who you're talking to. If you're unsure of the degrees of separation, don't speak at all. If you do know mutual people, speak even less. Unless you're saying, "I'd really like to see ___." close your yap. You're not helping your case by making stuff up or assuming things. Your mutual friends will figure out eventually that you're full of shit.

Talk to me folks. Are there any other major dating faux pas that you'd like to add to the list? 

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