Monday, April 23, 2012

Maybe it's Monday

"It's funny cause it's true." - Karen Walker 
Dear Blog,

I don't mean to be a bitch, but lately it's been pretty hard. Now this, in and of itself, is not new. I tend to lean a bit toward bitchy even on a good day, but usually in a fun-filled-bitch-you-love-to-hate sort of way. The smile on my face when I tell you that I think you're a heinous excuse for a human being sort of takes the sting out of it most of the time.

Unfortunately, while the last few weeks have been blissful in some respects they have been completely aggravating in others. I would like to think I'm capable of being one of those people who take the positive things in life and let all that warm goodness spill over onto the shitty parts, thus brightening the dark patches of my soul. Bwahahaha!

Here's the problem; My friends are too awesome at supporting my angry inner bitch and I've not been able to properly shove down my hatred like a good girl should. It used to be that someone would piss me off, and maybe it was their fault and maybe it was not. Either way, I would go to my special place, which was wherever my friends were, and I'd just blast whomever the hell had dared to piss me off. My friends would nod with sympathy, because they'd been there too, and then they'd tell me that I had to remember blah blah blah, and they would pat me on the head (virtually or physically).  I would come to the conclusion that I was being a jealous hag and then I would grow up and get over it.

The new scenario has been a little different. I pick up the phone, hop on IM, or Skype and I start by saying "Okay, so WTF is the deal with ____?!" That's when the fun begins. Someone will reply, "I KNOW!"  and once you have received verification that you're not the only one irritated by something it becomes good. It becomes valid. It becomes RIGHT. That's the moment when the picture above becomes true. "Look at her over there... smiling at people. I hate that. Fake. Totally fake."

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Yes, I realize that the smiling bitch is usually me. I never said my smile was always because of something nice. It is reassuring to know that you've not gone crazy and that other people are feeling and seeing what you're experiencing though. It's cathartic. Nothing unites people quite like the disdain for some trifling wench that really gets up on your last nerve and grinds a heel in. Solidarity!

The best part about it is that when I am in this sort of mood I don't really give a damn who doesn't like ME. I know who I am. I'm sweet to those who deserve it, supportive to those who need it, loving to those for whom I feel it, and sometimes I am a real bitch. I'm not a formula. I'm genuine in the respect that I'm not the same every day. If you don't like it, you don't have to join my fan club. You can go sit with the bitch with the crackers.

You know what else? I still feel bad for swearing so much when I know my mom will see it. Dear Mom, I'm sorry I said the "b" word so much today.

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