Welcome back, kiddos! I know Mommy and Daddy have been gone for awhile, but we're so proud of you for keeping the place clean while we were ou.. WHO THE HELL BROKE THE LAMP!? Someone's gonna get hurt real bad. That was a beautiful knock off Tiffany lamp!
Let's catch up... when we last left Wag Vs Angie, we had moved to an op-ed format where we both just spout off about a particular topic and usually end up in the same point/counter-point scenario we started this project with. Today is going to be no different. So without any additional delays, let's talk about sex. What do you say?
The rules of sex in the dating world seem to have changed a bit since I was last in the open market. I think they have changed since Shane was out there too. You can get his take on the situation over at Wagthedad. I have never been one to go on dates. I tend to go on relationships, which has been considerably different from what the majority of my single friends have experienced. I consider myself a serial monogamist. I've always known what I want and who I want before I ever agree to go on a date with a guy. This begins a multi-month courtship that doesn't involve dinner, movies, coffee, or sex until far later than most people I know.
So when IS it appropriate to allow someone to breach your fortress of purity (c'mon we know you're not that pure)? Since my dating life leaves quite a bit to be desired, I decided to turn to my mother who we all know holds the secrets to all questions in life. According to a recent article in AARP magazine, the dating rules HAVE changed. Apparently the booty call is the new first date. While those of us in the 30+ generation have been concerned about when it's okay to have sex, the older generation have reverted back to their free love days... and STDs have made a rampant return, with singles in the 55+ community making the rounds from home to home, getting their groove on, throwing caution to the wind, and giving doctors reason to charge millions in co-pays for "why does it burn when I pee" appointments.
To that end I will give you an opinion from a single man. When asked, "How soon is too soon?" this was the answers I received:
Single Guy: If the vibe is right then why wait? I'm not into social conformity.
Still, the small town girl inside me says, "Wait a second... would you consider her for a long term relationship?"
When I asked a single woman the same question, I received the answer that the appropriate # date was the wedding date. Of course she also said that for those who are older or in their second plus time around, women don't want to think about the shaving above the knee rules and want to cut to the chase.
So what is the answer? Popular thought would indicate that it depends on the man, depends on the woman, depends on the situation. So here's what I've got for you.
1. How bad do you want it?
2. Do you want it enough to find out later that he's lost respect for you for giving it up?
3. Are you properly protecting yourself?
Most of us have gone through a phase of disillusionment, so let's address this one by one. (I'm going all girly here)
1. How long has it been? How important is sexual fulfillment to your day to day life? Is one night of passion enough to satisfy you? For how long?
2. Are you okay with losing the potential relationship because he was hot for you and you were hot for him without knowing whether or not the whole thing could be over because you dropped your panties/boxer briefs too soon?
3. You never know where your partners have been. Even when they know where they were, they don't know where their past partners have been (ask the snowbirds in FL and AZ). Safety is an issue.
So where does this leave me? There are no dating/sexual rules anymore. You need to act on your desires in the way you feel most comfortable. Is he/she someone you feel comfortable giving the goods to? Will you be satisfied if this is all it is... just sex?
It seems no matter who I talk to these days the rules have disappeared. I've talked to women and men who tell me the old rules exist; No sex without commitment. I also spoke with those who feel it doesn't matter anymore because they know everyone has a past and they are looking for something more than just the sex factor when they make a decision.
So what does this mean? Be yourself. Know your limits. Know what you can and cannot accept. Understand who you are as a person. Follow your basic instincts and eventually you WILL find that person who accepts you, understands you, and embraces you for who you are. Throw the rules away.