Friday, March 9, 2012

Changing teams at half time

It's not uncommon for me to answer my phone with a sexy, "Hey baby!" when I know that the call is from one of my girlfriends. I have a virtual wife (Hey, Becca!). My best friend from back in the day refers to me as her future lesbian lover. When we aren't reminding each other that if one of us had a penis it would be game on, we're joking around that it would be so nice to have a wife for a change that would treat us with the love and tenderness and shopping trips that we deserve.

My friends come from all walks of life, all over the world, and have had such different upbringings I almost feel international and well traveled just for knowing them. And I do know them. From visits to each others homes, shared vacations, hours of phone calls, some even stretching the distance of the Atlantic Ocean... there is very little we don't know about each other. There's not much we haven't confessed to each other, and when one of us needs advice we're an unstoppable network.

When one of my friends came to me with a problem I couldn't solve, I decided to ask permission to bring the problem to my blog and get some input. So I'm hoping for a little input from my readers.

When you've been raised in a small town with a lot of closed minds, you often don't consider that you have a choice in your sexuality. You're raised to believe that you will like the opposite sex. You will get married. You will have kids. You will live happily or unhappily ever after. It's better to be confused and quiet, than it is to admit you're not like everyone else. Leaving that small town opens a lot of doors you didn't even see knobs for in the past. You will meet people who make you look at yourself differently and even question long held beliefs about who you are.

What happens when you've been married over a decade, had a few kids, and suddenly find yourself questioning the direction the rest of your life will take? She loves her husband, but has recently found herself very attracted to someone else. That someone happens to be another woman. After a few same sex flirtations, she finds herself wanting to explore these feelings further.

While she's been honest with her husband about her feelings, she is having difficulty deciding how to address these feelings without throwing away her marriage. She doesn't know where it will lead and each option seems to lead her to more questions. Her husband has been supportive thus far, stating that he only wants her to be happy, but at the same time he is worried about her time spent with her new potential romantic interest.

Questions I've posed: 
1. What will you do if your husband decides to find companionship with another woman while you explore your own feelings?
2. If you choose not to explore your feelings, how long will it be before it rears it's ugly head again?
3. How does the potential love interest feel about the fact that you're married and not even sure of your orientation?

So, dear readers... I leave this to you. What advice would you give to my friend. Have you been in this situation? 

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