Sunday, February 26, 2012

Dear Nathan Fillion (If that is your real name),

Listen, guy. I'm writing to you because the Schnapps told me to. Okay, that's not entirely true. Schnapps don't actually talk. I don't want to start out our life as pen pals with you thinking I'm crazy or anything. I'm actually writing to you because I've been seeing your name all over the blogosphere and I have absolutely no idea who the hell you are. Strange that, huh? I like to pretend I know EVERYONE, but you my dear are an enigma. Well more of a conundrum, really.

I looked at your pictures (you can thank Google) and you're a nice looking gentleman. I even went to the lengths that IMDb would allow me to go to find exactly what you've been doing since um... hold on, lemme check... 1993. I'm going to give you some slack here. You're a couple years older than me and I didn't do a damned thing until post 1992, and even that is questionable. I will have to give you the upper hand here. It's possible I have yet to do anything. Let's move on.

Anyway, you're Canadian. That must be sort of cool. I sometimes pretend I'm Canadian and I apologize for things that aren't even my fault. See we have something in common. I also have brown hair. Look at that. Two things! The list of things we both have probably go on and on and on. I trust we're getting along famously on your end, eh?

So here's the sitch, Sir. My friend Jen over at "Jen" e sais quoi is madly in love with you. I get the impression that every single time your name is mentioned one of her ovaries drops an egg. Jenny at The Bloggess has been trying to get you to hold some twine for awhile now. They both follow your comings and goings more than the average bear... if the average bear follows your comings and goings anyway. They both seem like really kind and decent people, so would you mind throwing them a lil something to satiate their needs? It would mean a lot to me them.

I promise to... Oh, you were on Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place. THAT'S where I recognize you from! Sorry, I mostly watch documentaries. Regardless, If you could just give Jen and Jenny what they want I promise not to stalk you or anything of the sort.

1. I have no idea where the hell you are and not to be rude, but I have other things that I am supposed to spend my money on.
2. If I am going to go bat shit crazy and stalk someone it's going to be someone without security because I'm afraid of getting hurt.
3. My kids played Halo and I see you had something to do with some audio there and anyone who entertains my kids when they would otherwise be asking me to cook for them is A-Okay in my book.

So, what do you say? One brown haired person to another... do me this little favor?

Sincerely,

Quite possibly the one woman on the face of the blogging world not infatuated with you in one way or another.

PS. Write back.

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