Tuesday, January 17, 2012

You're old and don't have a man: Wisdom from a 3 year old

Grandma- Joel who do you want to come to your birthday party?
Joel- Alex (my daughter) and Zach (her boyfriend). Mostly Zach.

If you're looking for a little brutal honesty there's nothing quite like spending some time with a child. Your real friends will tell you the truth. They will tell you when a dress doesn't look "as good" as the other one. They will even tell you that they understand when you complain about a particular issue in your life and help you see if you're being a bit obtuse about the whole thing.

Children, on the other hand (especially those under the age of 5), will simply point things out or ask questions without any concern to how it comes across. Have you ever had a child tell you that you're fat? What about when they tell you something their parent has said about you? It's merely an observation. It's the sharing of information. It's not cruel... not to them.

True story: Years ago when my younger sister was first married to her now ex-husband, my youngest sister and I used to joke about how given the age difference and his propensity to spoil my sister with expensive gifts, he was more than a Sugar Daddy... he was a Sugar-David. We didn't say it to my sister or her husband because we didn't want to hurt their feelings. It was nothing negative about either of them, but obviously "sugar daddy" doesn't have the most positive connotation. It was funny... well until my kid told her, "My mom calls him your Sugar David." Take hand. Lower face to hand. Shake head. To this day, anytime I am making an observation (good bad or indifferent) in front of my kids (now 15 and 18) I say, "Now don't go repeating that. Got it?"

In order to help my sister feel better about that event, I will share the brutal honesty I received this weekend from my 3 year old nephew.

Joel- Where's your dad?
Me- Grandpa is my dad.
Joel- Oh. Then where is your HUSBAND?
Me- Nice, Joel. Rub it in why don't you?

(later that day)

Joel- I think you should buy a baby?
Me- You think I should buy a baby? Why?
Joel- Because you need one!
Me- I had two babies.
Joel- Who?
Me- Alex and Jacob are my babies.
Joel- Yeah, but that was a realllly long time ago.

That's how it is, folks. Just when you think you've come to terms with your singlehood, when you are pretty sure you aren't going to worry that you'll be dead on the floor eaten by your house cats that are your sole companionship anymore, some kid comes along and points out the obvious. I was a bit crushed to be honest. Even a three year old has noticed that I never have a man. WTF!?

My stress and discomfort was SLIGHTLY alleviated when the following conversation took place:
Me: Joel, what happened to your head?
Joel: My mom beat me against the heater. (as he gave me a nod that said, "You know how that goes.")

(Just to clarify, the cut on his head came from a game of spin the kid on the blanket which unfortunately ended in said kid flying toward the radiant heat like ripped off clothes after the homecoming dance.) 

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