Friday, January 6, 2012

Who's got two thumbs and isn't your mother?

Him- So what are you doing? 
Me- Working. 
Him- I'm going out. 
Me- Cool. What are you going to do? 
Him- What are you, my mom? I said I'm going out. 
Me- Wow. My apologies. Jesus.
Him- What? Anyway. I think I'm getting a zit. 
Me- Sorry, maybe you should tell your Mom. 

Looking back at this conversation, my mind wandered to the many other things that should have fallen into the "not your mother" category.

1. Picking up his socks. 
2. Hearing about his upset stomach.
3. Listening while he talked about how all the other kids (co-workers) were mean (jerks). 
4. Answering when he asked me where I was going or planning to do.
5. Cleaning up his kitchen messes. 

When you're a parent you know that when the answer is vague it's hiding something the person doesn't want you to know. You can bet your ass it's not that beautiful Tiffany's charm bracelet you've had your eye on. It's probably not even a shitty hand-picked bouquet of dandelions. So as a mother to a couple kids of my own, I can tell you that when the above conversation happened I immediately thought, "Well that's interesting in a 'you're a douche bag' kind of way!"

If I had it to do all over again, with my newly adopted "Full Time Bitch" attitude, I would have answered many (if not all) of his requests with, "Who's got two thumbs and isn't your mother? This girl!"

I've thought about it... it really does work for every request. Food, nurturing, support, sex (double points for being extra offensive), etc.

Happy Friday everyone! If I don't see you... have a terrific weekend!

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