Wednesday, January 18, 2012

We're both liars. So, there's THAT.

Confession time. I've never had the balls to use a dating service. I've created dating profiles for others and even for myself, but I've never gone live with my own. Until, that is.... last night! Da da daaaaaaaaaaah! That's right people! I am currently active on a dating website. I hope this works well with my plan to roofie a man this year and get him to marry me. Let's cross our fingers, mmmkay?

This is going to make at least one of my friends mildly irritated, but I don't date locals. Sure, if I dated someone nearby I could have dinner out more often. I could have someone to hold hands with at the movies.

There would be someone who might want to accompany me to family gatherings so my nephew stops looking at me like the crazy aunt that can't find a man. Ahem... 

Maybe you're thinking, "Well, Angie that is silly. Why don't you just date someone nearby?" It's like this, I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to. Men in my age group tend to be settled and I don't feel like becoming attached to someone I am going to want to leave at the first opportunity to catch a plane. So instead I will date men that I can't possibly have a relationship with because they are too far away, but at least they are far away in a place I can one day picture myself living. It's basically my plan to fail. It will also allow me to say that I'm putting myself out there without really risking anything. Who's thinking, right?! If I am master of nothing else, I excel at self sabotage!

And THAT is how I ended up on the Scottish Singles site. One of my best friends is in Scotland. I love the country. I love Gerard Butler. Surely I deserve to wake up in the morning next to a sexy Scottish guy and hear my name whispered with a deep, sweet, Scottish accent, right? I signed right up for that. Put me in queue and find me my very own Highlander! Before a day had even gone by I got my first hit. When I opened the email my heart was aflutter.

What the ****?! Now, for those of you who know me this will be more humorous than for those of you who don't. Of all the internet dating members in all the world.... I get the one Thai guy who signed up for the Scottish Singles website.

YES... I date Asian guys.
YES... my last two long term relationships were with men of Asian descent.
YES... it's starting to look like a fetish.

But really folks, it's not that I choose them. I am an equal opportunity relationship f*cker-upper. They are just the only ones who liked me back!

So eharmony, it is not. It's just a place where single people put up their pictures and say "This is what I want." Then they pick through the profiles and choose what THEY want, with little to no regard for what I want. (sigh) I specifically went in looking for a Gerard Butler look alike, hopefully in a town close to my girlfriend so I would have mega fun times full of awesome stories to share with my friends and family back home (obviously in my dream my new man imported me and made me the happiest woman on the face of the earth). Instead, I got the one Asian guy who has incorrectly assumed that I only date Asian men.

On second thought... we both lied about where we're from. We might be meant for each other.

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