Thursday, January 19, 2012

TSA Complaints, S&M, and Highland Cows (it could be related)

TSA Vampire
I hear people are complaining again about how much the TSA sucks. I'm sure you complainers out there want to let us all know how violated you felt. "It was unnecessary and humiliating!" you shout. So is trying on swimwear, but if you want to go swimming in the public pool you gotta have a suit. If you wanna go flying, there are things you have to do too.

So listen up... no one wants to see your wrinkly old ass, fat rolls, colostomy bag, penile implant, insulin pump, or any other things that you might be embarrassed by. You aren't being pulled aside because the TSA agent can't wait to look at you in a compromising position. The agent isn't sexually attracted to you. You aren't being singled out because you look like a terrorist. You are, however, being singled out because you made the machine go beep. It's not new. It's not uncommon.

No one is taking great joy in seeing your less than awesome body in the big x-ray machine, either. By the way, did you know that the x-ray glasses they used to show in cartoons didn't really exist? That's right! X-rays don't just look through your clothes and see a perfect view of your naked body. What it sees is a fair representation of what you think you're hiding under your sweater. That TSA agent isn't giggling at your saggy boobs, c-section scar, or disproportionately large testicles. She is giggling because her work boyfriend just whispered in her ear what he would like to do to her with the scanning wand. Get over yourself.

Someone needs a spanking... 

I'm sick and tired of the "as long as it's not ME" crap. If you don't like it, take the Amtrak (you can bring your own booze, almost unlimited luggage, the seats are more comfortable, and you can talk on your mother lovin' phone) or a boat.

I don't want you to go away thinking I'm just a cold wench, so I'll share a little picture that brightened my day (aside from the idea of being swatted with the security scanner).
Hi. I'm Tom. I'm a cow. Moo.
(All said with a Scottish accent)

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