Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I'm not flaky. I'm flexible!

Apparently at 38 years old it is no longer acceptable to just tell people that you're going to be "fabulous" when you grow up. As it turns out, by 38 they expect you to already be grown up and well on your way if not already entrenched in your life. I blame the over achievers for this. Thank you very much you movers, shakers, doers, and accomplished jerks. Way to make me look bad. Next time you have a big soiree and you wonder why I am not there (aside from the fact that you probably didn't invite me), just remember that I'm still angry with you for making me look flaky.

Perhaps I do have a bit of le'flake about me, but not in the areas that really do a lot of damage. I chose to be a mom and I didn't give that up! No siree, Bob! I hung in there. As a matter of fact I am so determined to be a mom that I am taking my son back. That's right. If all goes well I'll be driving the boy and his belongings back to SD on Sunday. When I say "taking him back" it sounds like someone bought him from me and was displeased. If that were the case I'd have been all, "Listen there is a limit to the lemon law... he was fine when you took him out of my house. He's yours now! I've already made plans!"

Now that I think about it, the parenting gig is probably what shines a spotlight on my inability to plant my feet on a thought, action, plan, etc. Three weeks ago I had a plan ready to put in motion. I had boxes packed and stacked in my room, filled with items that I don't need at the moment. My spare time was largely occupied by a housing search in another state, and I was ready to fly... or drive... or ship some stuff and take a train. That all seemed to change the moment he said, "Can I come home?".

Please don't misunderstand. I know that my life will eventually get to where I want it to be. I don't regret my decision to put things on hold. I signed up for this job first and no matter where my future lies, regardless of the itch in my bones that is urging me to pull up stakes and run, there's a reason I'm still here. Because he still needs me.

There are some positive aspects to this whole thing (aside from the boy child). 

1. I can travel more because my cost of living is low.

2. I can spend my desperate hours of weeping making improvements to my home.

3. I said travel already?

4. I will have extra time to work on my plan to become fabulous for absolutely no reason .

5. Designated driver= no costly cab ride

So in conclusion, I am not flaky. I'm flexible. I am not indecisive. I'm open to diversity. I am not unknown. I am pre-fabulous. 

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