Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I'm busy winning the lotto. Leave a message.

Tonight I will be busy from around 10 PM to 10:15 winning the lottery. Truth time, folks. I'm vain and sort of selfish deep down inside. Maybe not all that deep down. Shocking, I know, but it's true. If you were looking for some altruistic list of thoughtful, charitable contributions you will have to find another page to browse because I've been waiting for this win for a very long time.

Let's assume that I am responsible and will pay all my debts right off the top. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's take a look at the things I want that Santa forgot to bring me!

1. Zeltiq. I feel sorry for the doctor who has to draw the circles and lines on me for all the areas I want done. No, I don't want to hear how I should just be happy with my body. I am happy with it. It gets me where I need to go. I simply want to be happier with it.

2. ProForm Treadmill. My poor Crosswalk Maxx is on it's last leg. I have tried to adjust the damn belt numerous times and it's still slipping. Once I get my fat frozen off I will need to maintain my new physique.

3. Apartment in Montreal. I'm not fancy and my place doesn't need to be either. If you've not been to Montreal, I highly recommend it. This place is right in the center of the fun, which is AWESOME!

4. Vacation home in Brazil. Because. Just because, okay? I need some tropics in my life.

Obviously, I'll be buying the standard lottery winner items like a car for each of my kids and a brand new wardrobe. I'll have a big party for all of my friends, too! Yes, you're all invited. Bring some snacks, alright? I'll be too busy to go grocery shopping because being spectacular is a full time job!

Before I go off to do my hair and makeup for tonight's event, I want you all to know that I won't forget about you when I am rich. As a matter of fact, let me thank a few people specifically.

- Lady at the Casey's convenience store that held the door to the pastry case for me when I bought a doughnut this morning, without you I would have been a few seconds later to the counter, and the quick pick numbers would have gone to the angry short balding guy behind me.

Yeah, that's about it. None of the rest of you really did much to help me win. I don't mean to be a bag, but come on. Did you do anything? Really? I thought so.

Let's recap:
-I'm winning the lottery
-I'm going to be freaking decked out and dead sexy
-Thank you Casey's shopper
-None of you helped
-Selfish bitch (me)

What is the number one luxury item you would buy if you won big bucks?  

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