Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Fame, Fleece, and Ancient Greece (My fame ordained)

Don't get too excited just yet. What I am about to tell you is not as certain as my eventual lottery win, but what I'm about to tell you is pretty awesome all the same. I'm going to be powerful and famous. Obviously.

Monday night I snuggled down into bed, all wrapped up in Mickey Mouse fleece (Wow that's so sexy, Angie. Tell us more!) with my Kleenex box and wool socks (with a fox eating eating lox - not really). I managed to wrap up the last chapter of my book and upon throwing it on the floor, did what I do at bedtime. I documentaried myself until I fell asleep. I have a major <3 on for Netflix, kids.

Anyway, I fell into a semi-medicated sleep. That's when it happened. THE VISION. It began with split screen blogging, me on one screen and some incredibly astute unknown blogger on another. It was as if the other blogger were answering my thoughts. It might have been the Oracle of Siwa. Regardless... I saw flashes of my life as it was, as it is, and how it will be. It was like Scrooge, except I didn't really go anywhere, and I wasn't mean to a bunch of people, and I was high on Nyquil. Maybe not so much Scrooge as um, whatever... you see where I'm going here. Right (Please tell me you know what I'm talking about)?

Bad joke intermission: 
Q. What do you call the oil in a fryer that hasn't been changed in a long time? 
A. Ancient Greece

Okay then, just when I was about to find out my true destiny and how it would all come to be, the mystery blogger/Oracle reached through the screen and pushed me down into a pool of water. No, I don't know where the pool came from. This is a vision. That's how visions work (all cryptic and whatnot). As I gurgled and gasped and the life sputtered out of me I had a sense of peace and a sudden feeling that everything would be amazing. Of course panic set in immediately after and I sat up in bed gurgling, gasping, and sputtering.

Upon further reflection, I've decided that while it's obvious and ordained that I'm going to be wildly famous and stuff, I probably should not read a mystery novel about the Alexander Cipher, followed by a 3 part documentary on Ancient Greece, while taking medication that lies about it's effectiveness in preventing me from drowning in my own sinus drainage.

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