This week we're kissing.... Well we're not. Not each other. Well I'm not kissing anyone. Shane? How's the make-out session going over there? No, we're going to talk about kissing someone when you're supposed to be married or otherwise committed. Is it cheating? Shane doesn't think so. I happen to think it's a window drug to naked time.
Oh, Shane. One of us is usually the idealistic one and it’s usually not you.
Let me tell you where you’re right this week. Relationships do change over time. I stand by the belief that being married or in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you have to jab your eyes out of your head. There is no way that I know of that will keep your mind from having the random thought about someone other than your partner, but there has to be a line somewhere.
Is a kiss forgivable? For most people, yes. Does that make it right? No. A kiss isn’t an intangible notion, it’s a physical act. Ask a lot of people and they will tell you that kissing is the best part of the physical contact short of an orgasm. It’s passionate. It’s heated. It’s the moment when the the line in the sand is scuffed with footprints pointing the wrong way. When you cross over that line you know it.
If you have any doubt about it, ask yourself the following:
1. Would my partner feel betrayed?
2. If my partner walked in right now, what would happen?
3. How do I feel now that I’m on my way back to my partner?
4. When/If my partner finds out how long will it take me to gain back the lost trust?
When your spouse is physically attracted enough to another person that they physically cross the line it is a very hard pill to swallow for the partner left on the sidelines. When it happened to me, it made me wonder how much of my relationship was complete bullshit. Did he even find me attractive? Does he lie to me about other things? Has it happened before? What have I done wrong that has caused this obvious lacking that leads to him looking on someone else’s Blueberry Hill to find a thrill?
I don’t know a single person, male or female, who hasn’t been betrayed at some point in their life by someone who promised to be faithful. My girlfriend’s relationship had been flowing along nicely, but upon finding an unknown name and number in her boyfriend’s wallet every past betrayal flashed back. It turned out to be an ongoing flirtation that when confronted about it, her man spilled details like a murderer that had been dying to get caught. They have worked through the situation and put their relationship back on track. My point is, if a slip of paper causes this much hurt, what would a kiss do?
Even in the best relationship it will cause hurt, distrust, and often long term damage. Is it the ultimate marital sin? Probably not. Do most people forgive it? Yep, but hell most people forgive a one time sexual transgression. It’s not the worst that could happen, but it’s still cheating.