Friday, December 30, 2011

I know I'm walking funny. It's not what you think.

If you didn't know me yesterday you won't get the full impact of today's post. There's a part of me that feels a little sorry for you right now because I've had a transformation and you won't really be able to tell. You see if we're just finding each other for the first time when you read this post, you'll just think I was always interesting. Not so. Untrue. Well, not AS interesting.

I've had a few of these transformations in my life. The first time I read Tolstoy  I felt so intellectual I wanted to discuss it with everyone I saw reading a book. When I smoked my first cigarette I knew I'd elevated my cool factor to the nth degree. I went from fat awkward girl to Sandy at the end of Grease (in my head). Sitting on the veranda at Gloria Ferrer Winery in Sonoma, CA drinking champagne with my boyfriend and eating fresh roasted almonds with sea salts back in 2006 is the moment I became sophisticated.
So this is exactly how it was... well if the lady were a long haired brunette and the guy was less old white guy and more middle aged Asian dude.


What happened? What was this major life changing, momentous event? I found out I can breathe underwater. I'll let you take that in for a second. That's right... Angie can breathe under water. I'll give you another moment. Okay. Pretty freaking amazing, right? I began at 5 PM and when I finished at 8:30 PM I was a more interesting person. I can now envision myself planning vacations to Fiji or the Great Barrier Reef. I can't imagine being able to afford it, but planning? Hell yeah! 

To prove to you that I didn't just make it all up I am going to share with you a few of the things I learned. Ready? Let's do this.. 

1. Failure to remove nose ring prior to diving will cause you to puncture the interior wall of your nostril when clearing pressure from your ears. 
2. You look stupid standing in the shallow end of the pool wearing full gear. 
3. Attempting to breathe through your nose is stupid and doesn't happen too often before you get a good snort of water through a leaky mask. It's okay to be a mouth breather if you're doing scuba (and only then).
4. I'm totally going to do it again and eventually... not in a pool. 

I am officially going into 2012 with a skill I didn't have when I started 2011. Sure, it took me all damn year to complete one small task, but look how interesting I am now!? I bet people could tell just by the way I was walking that something had changed. Maybe it's the water in my ears that give me that slightly intoxicated stumble in my step... who knows. 

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