Thursday, December 29, 2011

Hooker Sweat and Shame

With Christmas 2011 officially logged in the annals of history, the mass hysteria of the post Christmas sale has begun. With my son home for holiday break and in serious need of a haircut and the car blinking it's "change oil soon" message at me, we decided to brave the nut jobs at the local Walmart. Where else can you get groceries, an oil change, a hair cut, and a tasty sub all in one convenient location? No place.

There is a deceptive calm emptiness to the store when you come through the doors in Tire and Auto. Even the guys working the counter in Automotive are chilled. Once you make it into the main store the reason for their relaxed mood is clear. No where in the Automotive section will you find discounted bottles of perfume, holiday themed hand soap, Christmas tree socks, and generic (almost fruity) lotion baskets.

The mechanic handed me my claim slip for my car and I handed my cash to my son. He wandered off in the general direction of the Walmart Chop and Shop hair salon and I eased my cart into the flow of crazy slob shopping traffic. With an hour to kill, I decided I might as well visit the front of the store to see what goodies I didn't need, but could put in my cart to make myself look all shopper-like. By the time I'd made it to the front, I had 2 new bath towels, 2 paint rollers, a drop cloth, a new bath mat set, and a few wall hangings to complete my bathroom make over. If I'd been planning a bathroom makeover it would have been completely appropriate. Congratulations, Walmart for having me so terrified of your clearance crazy patrons that I spent 30 whole minutes hiding out in the home section. Tricky bastards.

Have you ever seen a herd of middle aged and elderly women shoving each other with shopping carts? If not I think you still have a day or two to hit Walmart for a quick peek. If it was $5 before it's $2.50 now. If it was $10 before it's $7.50 now. If there was a $3 lotion sampler pack you had your eye on, for the love of God get there now before they're gone because it's only ONE MOTHER LOVIN' DOLLAR PEOPLE. What did I get? I got Hooker Sweat and Shame by some company who does knock off "parfum" stuff for people like me who wander the aisles of Wally World looking for a deal.

Right now for the low low bargain basement price of $2.50, you too can smell like Hooker Sweat and Shame. Go on. Get ya some!






No comments:

My Zimbio
Top Stories