Thursday, December 8, 2011

Conversations that had me... (not my fault)

When I'm not here reading, writing, commenting, and searching for new blogs... I have regular conversations just like you. I go shopping, talk with my friends on the phone, at work, on Facebook,  and on messenger. I'm no different than you. We're exactly the same. Like identical. Really. 

Checking out at Walmart with cheap champagne
Cashier: Are you over 21? I think you are. 
Me: What gave it away? The fact that I'm buying fuses and a furnace filter? All the cool young kids are buying those these days aren't they? 
Cashier: No, you just don't look that young. I mean...You don't look like... (blushing).. You know what I mean. 
Me: Uh yeah... you have a good night. 

In the ladies room
Dawn: I have to tell you about my dream last night. You were in it. 
Me: I was? Was I cute?
Dawn: It wasn't like that. We were having an intervention for you. 
Me: Oh? (panic setting in) 
Dawn: You were down to 90 pounds. You were on a treadmill and you had these big knees and stick like legs. 
Me: Oh, okay.
Dawn: It wasn't about that. The intervention wasn't about your weight. It was about your butt. You had no butt left. 
Me: (trying to look at my own butt)... Okay, but was I cute?

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In the Office
Coworker- That's how you know you've reached rock bottom. 
Me- How? 
Coworker- Being traded for cigarettes in the county lock up. 

On Facebook

David: Starting to feel like a financial penis
Me: OMG I thought you were ejaculating money. Had to check in. 
David: lol, If only
Me: When that happens my # is ###-###-####

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Becca: Men are so sensitive. 
Me: I know, right? It's okay for me to get so mad I cry, but men should go off and scratch something. It's their job. 

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On the Phone
Friend: Guess what I did. 
Me:  My God. Did you get something else pierced?
Friend: Yeah... but that's not all. 
Me: Oh shit. 

See... I'm just like you. We're the same! What? Yes we are!

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