Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Blog Swap! Becca Takes Over


Live from the desk of Becca over at I'm Pretty Sure That... There's something to be said for the same sex relationship! 

Well I don’t know if you’re like me, but if you are (and I’m hoping for your sake that you really aren’t), you’ve dated enough men or had at least one bad relationship that made you say, “I’m never going to be with another man EVER.” Aside from that whole bi-curious period you had in college (what… I cannot be the only one here), the idea of actually being in a physical and emotional relationship with another woman isn’t really for me: HOWEVER, I will take just the emotional piece ANY DAY OVER THE WEEK OVER ANY DICK. HANDS DOWN.

I know right, you’re thinking whoa lady, aren’t you married? Well I am. And I have a wonderful husband whom I love very much, but let’s face it shall weà women and men speak two different languages when it comes to communicating and feelings. What I need is another wife, just for me. If you weren’t aware Angie and I are already planning our up and coming wedding in New Hampshire because well shit.. there are things we need the men folk ain’t putting out… case in point:

1. I have a crying routine. Wait, hear me out. Occasionally I get upset and cry. In the bathroom. Where I keep my special Kleenex that are cool to the touch, literally, because it helps de-puff my eyes and nose afterwards. Then I wash my face and roll on a Clinique eye gel and Smashbox Halo powder to really de-puff and take away the redness from my nose. I mention this ONLY because my husband doesn’t understand my routine. He thinks it’s pointless and silly which usually only makes me more upset. Angie on the other hand TOTALLY understands my routine and even added in a couple of priceless pointers… WOMEN ARE GOOD AT UNDERSTANDING YOUR INEVITABLE NEROUSIS.

2. I am tired. Every day. When I leave my day job I go home to my other job as wife and mom. I would love to go home to a wife. Really. I love my kids and my Mr. but if I have to pick up another GD sock because he doesn’t know how to place it in the hamper 2 feet away from him I am GOING TO MOTHER FUCKING MURDER SOMEONE. Another wife would know this, and quietly put the sock in the hamper for me as to avoid total a nuclear meltdown. Another wife would be awesome because she would put cute post it reminders in my purse for me about what to get for dinner, or not to forget so and so’s birthday, or just because. She would also understand why I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning and why I’m just too damn exhausted to cook dinner. I might even get so lucky as to have a wife who would cook dinner for me and then get up 1,000 times during the dinner to get the kids this, that or the other. WOMEN ARE GOOD AT HOUSEWORK (what it’s true………)

3.  Finally I have secrets. Great wonderful secrets that my husband doesn’t care about. He doesn’t care about the latest Pre-school scandal to rock the neighborhood or the fact that my friend’s cousin’s daughter just got knocked up, or that his mother totally pissed me off. You know who always cares about this stuffà my other girlfriends. They love to hear the gossip and dole out un-needed advice. Sometimes I just want to talk about shit just to talk about it and laugh and drink some wine and whatever… the hubs, bless his soul, couldn’t give two shits in the bushes about it. Eye rolling is not a suitable answer to my latest bit of news… I want to hear the high pitched squeal of “oh no he didn’t,” or “go on….” Rather than the empty silence of an un-amused hubby. He tries, but really he doesn’t care. WOMEN CARE ABOUT THE TRIVIAL THINGS IN LIFE.

So there you have it. That wraps it up. The three main points of why having the same sex partner is wonderful and maybe even necessary. And don’t get me wrong I’m not all about the Wife-Wife experience. I am sure the husband would love another husband to hang out with, get into trouble with, and do basic tomfoolery fuck around stuff with… I’m sure his list of reasons is at least a mile long, and the first point on his list is: MEN DON’T HAVE A CRYING ROUTINE.

But you know, what do I know…

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