Monday, November 28, 2011

You're Fat. Let's Talk.

This week's topic at Wag Vs Angie is......



Is it okay to tell your partner that they need to lose weight? Yes. It most certainly is.
Weight is a heavy topic. Pun intended. Our society has reached a stage where we have cured diseases that had once been cause for a much shorter average life span. At the same time we have developed time saving conveniences and in the process have become less healthy and quite a bit lazier. We traded our small pox, measles, rubella, and polio for heart disease, diabetes, and various other ailments that are brought on by and/or exasperated by obesity.
We are not talking about a slight weight gain that comes on with age (5-10 pounds). When someone is over weight there tends to be an underlying cause. Whether it’s a medical illness or depression… continuing to ignore the problem will not help the situation. If you value your partner’s health you will say something. The question is HOW do you go about saying it. You must be kind or your message will come across as nothing more than a slap to the face. Explain that you love them regardless of their weight, but that you want them to be around to love. One of my ex boyfriends used to call me names, make jokes about my “blubber”, and point out how much heavier I was than him in front of other people. This made me more depressed and in the process I ate more and gained more.
I would caution you to sweep your own doorstep first. If you’re carrying an extra 20 pounds you may want to approach the matter in another way altogether. Make healthier food choices as a family. Join a gym together and ACTUALLY go. Take up more physical activities the two of you can do together. Even if you’re not carrying the extra weight you would be wise to try the above suggestions. Relationships are made stronger by shared interests and activities. In the process you will both shape up, reduce health risks, and drop some pounds.
Of course there is a caveat.
Know your reasons for bringing it up. If you’re angry and feeling hurtful it’s probably not the weight you’re lashing out about. If your spouse has just had a baby you should be shot for telling them they could stand to lose a few. You may end up losing a couple of things yourself.
Let's find out what what has to say! WagTheDad.... let's talk. 

24 comments:

Juliette said...

I recently read that drinking red wine is the equivalent of going to the gym as its sooooo good for you! I'm trying this approach and I'm forgetting to eat! Awesome!

Angie said...

Juliette,
I absolutely love that diet. I have also tried the fitness routine where you walk to the store to buy your wine. Walk home. Drink. Repeat. My heart is in excellent shape!

wagthedad said...

Another good diet is the sex and water diet. That's all you get. Helps if you have someone to have sex with, though. Although I'm sure GNC has some kind of product for the sex and water diet.

Angie said...

Unless that product is one that allows you to grow a man to have sex with using only water then I'm screwed... and not in the HOORAY way!

chemgirljaime said...

I actually agree with wag on this one...

Angie said...

Jaime,
I have no doubt that most people will, but when exactly do we stop demanding equality but asking for special treatment? Why should it be okay to tell your husband he's getting fat, but if he says it to you he's wrong? I'm sorry. The only way to get better at what we do is remove the double standard.

Azra said...

See, now I wouldn't mind being told that I need to lose a few if my intended was Damon Salvatore ie. Perfection Personified. But if he's less then perfect, then I'm gonna kick his ass. I'd be like, "yeah, show me your six pack (first) and I'll show you mine"... seriously don't get guys that look like ogres but *demand* a supermodel for a spouse/girlfriend.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Ummm my diet has been consisting of sex, water, and red wine for years and I'm still 15 pounds overweight!! Wtf. :P

Angie said...

Azra,
I used to write dating profiles for people and I was always astounded by what people expected in a mate when they couldn't even begin to offer the same in return. There is so much more to life than looks... but if you're a slovenly conceited ass (male or female) you can't expect to be served up a hottie with a rockin' bod who is sweet and intelligent. Those people are smart enough to look for something else! Now then... I will go look at pictures of your intended. hehehe

Jennifer,
Pffft me too. Maybe it's because of the glass or two of white I have as my side dish? SOB!

Tony Van Helsing said...

Two of my brothers are extremely overweight yet they both try to take the piss out of me for exercising and eating a healthy diet. If we are in a restaurant and I order a healthy option they roll their eyes and make disparaging comments. They both know they are full of shit and are using this as a defence mechanism.

Angie said...

Tony,
That's another double standard I hate! I don't want to be mocked because I chose the 55 cal beer, or something from the heart healthy menu (so I don't try to very often).

Heather said...

It's okay to tell your SO that you are worried for their health, etc. and in my case I'm struggling with doing this anyway. I still need to lose weight, probably about 40 to be at my ideal weight. My husband is NOT concerned with my weight at ALL, and I honestly feel like he sabotages my efforts to lose. He is also quite overweight and has been for his entire adult life. He lost quite a bit when we first started dating, but gained it back (as did I). He was heavy when we met, when I fell in love with him, and when I married him. I love him and find him attractive, sexy, and am attracted to him. I am also extremely worried that I'll wake up someday to a dead man in my bed. I'm not joking, I worry about it all the time. His mom passed away young (60's) of COPD, diabetes runs strong in his family, and he doesn't watch what he eats or his weight at all. He isn't sensitive and probably wouldn't be offended, but because I am the polar opposite - it makes it a hard topic for me to approach with him.

I need to express to him that I want US to be healthy because I don't want to LOSE HIM. I want to harass and annoy him for at least 50 more years! ;) I just can't seem to get the words out the way I want to. If he read this, he would most definitely call me a pussy. (I'm not kidding.)

Fred said...

I completely support and encourage the double standard, and here's why. Men don't think they're fat and never will. Women are generally concerned about their own weight. A woman will bring up her own weight frequently. A guy thinks he looks like Jose Canseco even if he looks like Homer Simpson. Best way for a woman to bring it up to her man is to talk about her own weight first. Once he's listening, then she can pounce on him about his weight. It just doesn't work the other way. Just doesn't.

margarita said...

My gyno told me an orgasm burns 800 calories. Justtttttttt sayin ;)

BabyBlue said...

A glass of wine or lt. beer has approximately 100 calories. If an orgasm is 800 calories burned...

Gorilla Bananas said...

There's no way an orgasm burns 800 calories. If that were true, there are women who would have shrunk to nothing in a day. I'd like to see more women climbing trees - uses up a lot of energy and tones up the tush at the same time.

Andrea said...

I thought maybe my husband was exercising, so that I would take the hint and be more fit myself (because yes, it is all about me!)--then I found myself getting cranky when he'd finish his one hour on the elliptical (seriously, one hour). I am a moron! It has nothing to do with me!
Now I just do my own 20 minutes on that torture thing, and enjoy my BLT while he refrains!

Angie said...

Heather,
It's difficult to be in that position when you want so much to do something for yourself but your partner finds it easier to continue on the same path. Perhaps it's simply a matter of making the healthy lifestyle changes in diet for the entire house. Then if he wants junk food he will have to make a concerted effort to go get it from the store. When I was going through this it was my kids that I gave in to. In the end I began making healthier choices for the entire house but still banned myself from the kitchen area of the home to prevent my own backsliding.

We're all different. Maybe seeing you shaping up scares him a little? Keep encouraging him and remember there are those of us out here rooting for you both!

Angie said...

Fred,
I can see where you're coming from but it's all hazy and stuff. So we're supposed to talk about our weight with our men? I thought you all hated that?

Angie said...

Margarita, Babyblue, GB,
Get me some wine and a man. STAT!

Angie said...

Andrea,
haha I am a bit treadmill obsessed. People have learned to just do what you've done. Ignore me while I workout and then eat in front of me. I hate them a little bit for a few minutes and then I'm over it. They are required to finish all junky stuff though otherwise I will wander by and snarf it down without blinking or thinking. LOL

RCB said...

What saddens me time and again is having to listen to seriously overweight people claiming they don't want to be slim, who claim they are happy with the way they look, while obviously their eyes are telling the world a different story. I don't understand why people get so upset when you tell them they should consider losing a few pounds. As you know, I've bee ill for a while and only three months ago I weighed 20 pounds more than I do now. I didn't mind people telling me to lose some weight or to find my way back to te gym. Also, why is it you can't ask a woman how much she weighs? Let's put that to the test: how much do you weigh, Angie? (I'm 5'12" and I weigh 179 lb.)

Angie said...

RCB,
5'9" 157. If you'd have asked me that 3 years ago I would have either lied or refused to answer. For the first time in my life my driver's license and the scale are the same. It's not easy to hear a loved one tell you that you need to lose weight. But again, I stress there is a difference between telling a spouse they need to lose weight for health reasons and because you think they look like they've gained 5 pounds and the dress or pants don't look as nice.

RCB said...

I think you're great. That said, I'm off again. :)

My Zimbio
Top Stories