Thursday, November 24, 2011

Where I blame Becca for my future in phone sex...

Enterprise IT sales can be a pretty tough gig when the economy is in the crapper. If you're not selling something that involves sex, starts with iP, or runs on an Adroid OS it's like pulling teeth sometimes.

Note to me: Patent that iP*ssy idea. 

Hey! It's Becca! 
This afternoon Miss Becca of I'm Pretty Sure That graced my IM with her presence. These are the little bright spots in my day; Becca, Blogging, Blog Hopping, and the Twitter. When I first started talking to Becca, I had this sneaking suspicion that she was far smarter than I. Today she went and proved it to me by giving me the very best job advice ever!

While we were casually discussing how awesome our jobs are (or something to that effect RIGHT BECCA?!) the subject came around to our voices. Becca lamented that her voice makes her sound young, which makes her less than believable when she gets angry. This could be bit of a stumbling block for some, but she overcomes it by being kick ass at what she does.

My job has me talking to IT professionals all day long. Since my job is in the Midwest and my clients are primarily New York businesses or schools I spend 90 percent of my work day on the phone. I know. I know. Regardless, if you know me in real life I'm fairly animated. Inflection is never a problem for me. Unfortunately when you're talking to a primarily male audience you don't want to come across too bubbly. That being said, I try to slow it down and dial down the cheerleader a bit. What comes across the phone line ends up sounding a bit more um... Phone Whore.

Fantasy Me
When Becca heard this she came up with a brilliant idea. When I move I will need to find a job (unless my company comes through with the remote gig). Why not take my God given talent and make a career of it? That's right, she wants me to be a phone sex operator, or as they are called in the biz, Adult Phone Actress.

That started my mind turning. What would it be like for me living in California anywhere near wine country (or a Trader Joe's with cheap wine-a-plenty)? Add to that working from home in a profession that quite literally screams take off your clothes. A little wine always helps get the dirty words flowing so I would imagine it's probably a helpful tool  (ha ha I said tool in a phone sex post) for the Adult Phone Actresses of the world.

Uh huh. It's Lewis, bitches!
Stay with me here. Alright we have warm temps, at home, nudity, a headset, and wine. In my head I'm putting tipsy on the calendar for 1 hour into my "shift". I thought to myself, "How would that go over? Would the customers like that?" As soon as I thought it I face palmed and pictured the phone sex world's clientele.

I picture a guy at the bar who would love to take that tipsy chick home, but he's too shy to hit on her so he goes home alone and dials the phone sex lady Adult Phone Actress. Being sober when that guy calls would be a bit of a let down for him, right? He's a paying customer!

He deserves that tipsy chick he is fantasizing about at the bar and it's my job to make sure he gets that or what sounds like a reasonable likeness

So, what's the strangest job you've ever had? 


RCB said...

Does phone sex still exist? I thought with half the planet worshipping iPads and iPhones, we would have progressed to something more um interactive, and the only ones interested in actual phone sex would be people like me who own a Fred Flintstone Dumbphone... I guess I was misinformed.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tony Van Helsing said...

A girl I was friends with had a job on a phone sex line but gave it up after a few weeks. She worked at night and the majority of people who rang up were old people who lived alone and couldn't sleep and just wanted someone to talk to, they were't interested in the sex chat. Her boss told her to keep them on the line as long as possible to squeeze extra cash out of them but she couldn't live with the guilt and quit. She's a deputy headmistress of a secondary school now.

Gorilla Bananas said...

But the shy guy will expect you to get him off. Can you do that when you're drunk? Better watch the movie Girl 6 before making a decision on this one.

Anonymous said...

I have always said you have a very sexy voice.I know my account would be depleted if you stated it up. Bad thing is someone at the bank would see where my money was

Mrs. Tuna said...

I got laid off in September, sex call operator is sounding more and more appealing all the time.

Jen said...

Weirdest job I've ever had was probably the two years I spent as a professional NBA dancer. The pay was shite but you had a front row seat for every game. Holla!

Left Coast Guy said...

So I could have been paid for all my phone sex?!


Kaloo5 said...

I was 19 and doing telesales, selling some shitty stock exchange program. By the 2nd day I had already decided that I would leave at the end of the week. That night my Supervisor drunk-dialled me, & spoke for almost an hour abou her love life and her ex. All I did was listen and offer advise as best as a 19 year old possibly could. The next day she called me in and offered me a raise. I stayed for 2 months :)

ChopperPapa said...

I worked the bumper cars one at Opryland -- before I got fired. It's a long story.

Linda Medrano said...

Sounds like an easy gig to me. No, wait, not if they really want the whole enchilada. I would feel too stupid.

Angie said...

I never thought about that... I wonder if it does still exist with all the new internet fancy free nudity? hmmmmm...

That's the saddest phone sex story I've ever heard in my life. Also, I'm worried now that I might take the job and end up talking to my grandma or something!

Okay I will look for the movie. I think my biggest problem would be not giggling when they ask me to say things.

Awwww that was nice! My sister would rat you out in a minute!

Mrs. T,
I love to joke about it but I think many of us are 1 lay off away from taking a job we wouldn't normally consider. ~hugs~

Holy Moses! Tell us more! It actually sounds fun and sort of glamorous!

LMAO Apparently so!

haha Did you date her?

Well at least it wasn't Dollywood, right?

I know! I don't know if I could actually follow through no matter how much it costs. I guess I would have to just pray that they were all counting the cost of the minutes so they went faster?

Jen said...

LOL! I don't know how glam it was, but it WAS a hell of a lot of fun back in the days when I wouldn't have been horrified to wear a skimpy outfit in front of a gazillion people. It was during the Portland Trailblazers glory days, before they were all felons. I'll see if I can dredge up a picture somewhere.

Angie said...

I think you just found your costume for Wag's Blogwhore contest! LOL

Becca said...

I never got to comment on this properly except to say you're welcome, and please send me 5% of your yearly income as fee for my solid job advice. I love you ho.

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