Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Future's So Bright (well this week)...

When I woke up this morning I was in a pretty damn chipper mood. No lie! I slept well, had high hopes for my productivity level, and my hair wasn't wiggin' out or anything. I slipped on a pair of jeans fresh from the hot dryer and there was no struggle to yank the bitches up. From that point on I was all, "Hazaa! That's right bitches!Just mess with me. Come on and try it. I will end you!"

Things got even better when I got to work. I hit my numbers for the week early.  I (in one way or another) Herman Cain'd or Bill Clinton'd (depends on your party) a co-worker:

Him: It's Short Asian Syndrome. 
Me: Is that what you call it? 
Him: I feel inadequate because of my height.
Me: Oh, I would have thought it was the size of your penis. I mean paycheck. 
Him: No. I can't hide my height, but my penis ,much like my paycheck, can be hidden in a small pocket.

Then I had a doughnut, downed a Monster Lo-Carb, and kept on keeping on. I was even funny as hell on IM. 

**** says: It used to be so nice being innocent like believing in the fountain of youth. How could adults believe that? Like nowadays...thinking we'll ever have a balanced budget again. People are stupid and pathetic.

Angie 2.0v3B *komen says: I'm going to slip you antidepressants in your food.

**** says: Why?

Angie 2.0v3B *komen says: To see if it helps you have a happy or positive thought during the day. It's like a crap you know it's in there. Everyone has them. You just need to push it out and you'll feel so much better after.

**** says: You’re disgusting. I’m going to go. Have a nice day.

Angie 2.0v3B *komen says: Aww! Come back. Tell me more about how we’re all going to hell! Please?

Anyway... part of the reason I'm all giddy is that last night I was screwing around on Facebook (just in the gaming way not in the "taking off my pants and offering myself on cam chat" sort of way) and found a casino game. I love slot machines like a hooker loves a free clinic. More importantly, our company Christmas party is going to be held at the new casino/resort this year, and this game is like training. 

It's too bad I can't get a shit load of old people on oxygen to sit down everywhere I'd like to sit for the next 2 weeks. I guess I could go down to Walgreens and race the old people to the pharmacy section. Maybe I'll find a local buffet and head to dinner at 4 PM and try to get in front of them at the foods that don't require much chewing. 

So all in all, I'm pretty damned happy! I'm not even too terribly bitchy that my plans to escape this weekend for my birthday have been scrapped. It may or may not have anything to do with the fact that the Dept. of Homeland Security has been stalking my LinkedIn profile or that I have some other obligations. Either way, it's going to be fun. I'm going to eat what I want, drink what I want, sleep late, and face the truth... I'm fucking fabulous! I'll be 38 and still holding up pretty darn well. 
I might need to get one of these! 

Now then, kids. Tell me what sort of awesomeness your day/week has in store. 


Leauxra said...

I woke up today and didn't scream "F*CK!" at the top of my lungs like usual, so that's a big improvement.

I also realized that I am 27.5K into writing a novel that I started on November 1. That means I am actually writing a novel instead of wanting to be a novelist. That really does fill me with awesome.

And then, I ran 3 miles in 33 minutes, which is my fastest time ever, so I actually felt good about my body for the first time since the damned biometric screening.

Becca said...

What the fuck man... I had the best comment to this post EVER. It even had a list... and then the internet ate it, hungry bastard... anywho... As you know my week has been so/so to start off with, but the plan is to have a lovely weekend regaled in yellow, giving toasts, and getting drizzuunkk! Sooo....1)You have an IM and you haven't told me... real friends don't hide IM handles from each other, ahem 2)Asian Short Syndrome is FO REALS.... 3) You are fabulous no matter what and aren't looking a day over 28. Have a wonderful wonderful birfday! xoxo

Jennifer Fabulous said...

You're crazy and I love it. :)

My week has been crazy busy so far. I'm celebrating five years with my man on Thursday, so I guess that's kind of cool. But no money to celebrate proper, so not that cool. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it great when you wake up feeling great, and the rest goes your way!

Not sure how awesome my week going forward will be, but I'm still damn happy from my 3 day weekend. Got the house all ready for Turkey Day, Hubs hooked up a surprise date night which ended with us laughing our asses off in DC Curry's dressing room, and rounded it off with dinner/gabfest on Sunday with a girlfriend of 30+ years.

Chances are this week won't hold a candle, but I'm okay with that :)

Steve Bailey said...

For me today has been one of the good days..... the voices have been relatively quiet....

Ink Spiller said...

I'm going from coffee to coffee. I can't commit to more than that this week I think.

Miss Sassy Pants said...

It sounds like you had one of those "I shit gold" days. I am jealous of your happiness.

RCB said...

My day has been great! I woke up because there was this smell in my house that smelled kind of familiar.... cat piss! SHIT! (No, not cat shit, but I'm just saying, 'shit'... you know what I mean.) My cat had decided to piss on one of his toys and the floor underneath it, so there I was, at 6 a.m., scrubbing the floor, piss on my hands and knees. SHIT! But... the good news is the sun is shining and I just had a bite to eat. So no one's complaining on this side of the water, Angie.

P.S. 38 sounds mighty young to me.

Paula said...

Glad you're having an awesome week!!! So far this week I have held off on stabbing anyone, so I consider that a small victory.

Azra said...

Wait, you're only 37? That in itself is pretty damn awesome lady! Go ahead and do just about anything you want - you've earned it... being all gorgeous and fabulous and young and free ;)

Angie said...

You are kicking that novel's ass! As to the running I am so jealous/proud of you... my mile these days is just over 12 mins. Keep up the great work on both!

Fun weekend! I expect pics. Yes... I do have an IM. I'll PM it to you on twitter! Oh and Yes... you could have moved in with me! lol

Happy Anniversary! Will you be sharing a fabulous home cooked meal with candles and wine? I'm sure he will be thrilled no matter what!

Those impromptu date nights are such a blessing and girl gab time is mandatory. I'm glad it was a great weekend for you and if I don't see you before then, have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

God bless the meds, huh? ;)

Coffee is the nectar of the God's and the savior of more than a few people's sanity!

Miss Sassy,
Nah, there were shitty parts in the day... like all days. I just couldn't care less! LOL

Ewww! Yes, I understood your use of the word shit. haha Even if the air is cold, a day with sunshine is always welcome. I hope you're feeling well! Wanna get matching iPhones? :p

Not even one rusty nail stabbing? Paula you are letting me down. I stab vicariously and I count on you! :)

Would you like a hug? I feel like hugging you! Thank you for the kind words and I wish you a wonderful weekend as well!

RCB said...

Only if it has a polka dot motif. Do we get a discount? I was so surprised that almost everyone who's posted a comment about that iPhone rant of mine doesn't want an iPhone. (Of course they do, but it's too expensive...)

Today I'm not feeling so well. Thanks for asking. It's a bit difficult to breathe and pass for a normal human being in the process, but I've more or less come to accept it. (I HATE IT! I HATE IT!) On the upside, my voice is back, so I can curse out loud. Always a good thing, right?

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