Saturday, November 26, 2011

And God said, "Bwahaha! Get up!"

6:45 AM Saturday, November 26
When I heard the storm door slam against the side of the house this morning followed by the howling sound of winter wind, I just knew it was going to be one of those days. It was a sign from God that I might want to prepare myself for what was about to happen.

I lay there a few minutes longer willing myself back to sleep only to hear the creaking of my bedroom door and a timid voice from the main floor of the house.

"Mom? I might need to take your car to work today." the voice said.

Immediately my eyes were wide open. My car? My baby? The car I've almost paid off? My only source of escape? My mind was reeling... for about 15 whole seconds.

"Why? Did it snow? Your car works in the snow, ya know. If you can drive mine you can drive yours." I replied to my darling daughter.

"It's not that. I parked my car in the driveway last night and I was wearing Zach's coat and put my keys in the pocket. He took his coat when he left." She said.

"Right. Okay, can't you use the spare key?" I asked

"There isn't a spare key. The key you gave me was the spare." Came the almost tearful response.

"You realize my car is in the garage, right? How were you going to get my car out of the driveway when you're parked in the driveway?" I asked, feeling a little superior and pissed off at the same time.

"I can just push it out of the drive way in neutral." She offered.

So I let her go on outside and do just that. Please note that my precious princess is 5'3" and 105 pounds sopping wet. It took all of two minutes before she came back to the house and in her shaky "she's going to kill me I just know it" voice said, "Mom?"

Yeah I looked just like that except for the blonde hair
and I wore wool socks and a jacket. Otherwise totally
the same. 
"You can't do it can you?" I said while climbing out of bed.

"No... can you help me?" She asked.

"Well I don't have a lot of options do I?" said the bitchy mom while she put on her wool socks, shoes, and jacket.

Outside I went. I instructed her to get in the car and put it in neutral and I would push her out of the driveway.  It was going fairly well until I realized she had not cranked the steering wheel and I was merely pushing her car into the middle of the street. I went to the window and told her I would push her back into the drive and we would start over.

Pushing the car back UP the drive was a bit more difficult. I managed to get her car almost up the approach before I could get it no further. I went to the window and told her to crank the steering wheel so I could push her right into the street parking when she informed me that she couldn't because she'd locked the steering wheel and it couldn't be unlocked without the key.

We could neither get her far enough out to get my car out of the garage or far enough in to get her car to not be blocking the sidewalk. I was more than a little angry. I made a few passing comments about why they should never ever ever park in MY driveway again. My lips locked in a tight angry line that all of the women in my family get when they are trying not to say the even bitchier things about to fly out of our mouths.

I thought that I might be able to back my car out into the yard and possibly just drive over the neighbors small stretch of yard and out their drive way. No one else is awake at that time of day. The ground is frozen enough that it won't leave marks. It could work. I stomped back to the house and grabbed the set of spare keys off the hook in the kitchen. Precious had my keys in her pocket now and I didn't feel much like approaching her at that moment.
I stared at the keys in my hand and stomped back outside to her car. I held out my hand and asked her to politely give me back my damn car keys. The look on her face was one of total confusion. How was she going to get to work if I wouldn't let her drive my car? She handed the keys over and before she could say a word, I handed her the key ring I had taken from the house. The key ring that held... you guessed it, the spare key to her car.

"THAT'S my spare key?" she said, eyes wide.

"One of these things is not like the others." I replied (yeah I am sarcastically Sesame Street at times) while showing her the valet key and spare for my car and the key to her car, which is quite obviously different though quite obviously the same cut and shape of the key she carelessly left in her boyfriends jacket.

And this is why I am going to tie a snow shovel to the back of my car and drive until someone stops me and asks what the hell it is. This cold weather crap is annoying!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and/or is having a great weekend! I'll see you kids on Monday when Wag Vs. Angie returns with a hot new topic!


Anonymous said...

I'm so glad I have 13 more years before my child even remotely looks at my vehicle!!!

BabyBlue said...

What stands out most to me in this blog is, you're 19 year old princess knows how important it is to get to work, and that she asked for your help knowing you would be less than happy. Many kids her age would have called in sick and gone back to bed. I really wish someone had recorded you and your princess pushing the car in and out of the driveway:)

margarita said...

I have never one time ever allowed my 19 year old daughter to even sit behind the steering wheel of my vehicle. That's the kind of nasty mom I am!!!! I don't trust her driving. And I can't bring myself to do it....I use the fact that she isn't on my insurance as an excuse. :)

Linda Medrano said...

Oh Lord! Angie, kids are cars are such an ugly combo. Here we think they are grown up and smart and they are NOT. They are still kids. Oh well, except for the pushing the car in your red shorts and wool socks and not having the blond curls. you did look good doing it. And it's now how you feel, it's how you look.

Mrs. Tuna said...

Frick, damn kids. They have no powers of observation.

Left Coast Guy said...

I just don't know what to say...


Angie said...

Mine didn't even think about driving until she was almost 17. It might have been the requirement of having a job that put her off? :) My son on the other hand has been itching to get a job so he can drive!

She is becoming more responsible by the day! She's looking forward to her freedom which helps keep her on track. It makes me happy and sad at the same time.

The only time I let her drive my car alone she drove it "gently" into the back of the garage. I'm leary of allowing anyone to drive it now!

Your kids are proof that I have something excellent to look forward to! And yeah, if you have to push a car you should always look good doing it!

Ah if only I had this knowledge when I was a kid! LOL

Awwww what's wrong? LOL

Steve Bailey said...

I blame Zach and his coats thieving pockets!

Miss Sassy Pants said...

I never did something like that to my mother.Never ever.

Now excuse me while I make my weekly apology phone call to my parents for all the things I did as a teenager. =)

Paula said...

You're such a good momma!

Leauxra said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha *gasp* Hahahahaha. I am not laughing at you. But I may or may not have done something similar about once a week as a teenager.

Azra said...

lol... You're a great mom!

But for me, this is just one more reason not to procreate. And your cold crap weather is matched by our scorching hot days. It's like Spring has become redundant and there's no longer any point for it to exist because Summer reigns!

Angie said...

I like to have someone/something to blame at all times. It makes me feel better about myself.

Say hi to Mama Bear for me!

Are you just saying that because you need help moving a car? :p

I am sure I did my fair share of not-so-smooth thinking when I was her age. Thank God I've been able to block out most of it. haha

Oh honey if weather were the determining factor in procreation there would be a huge increase in babies created in the winter here. It's so cold 4 months out of the year that sex is the only thing you can do without freezing solid! LOL

Anonymous said...

I am impressed that she was determined to get to would have been easy for most her age to say frick it and call in sick. I wish i could have seen her face when she saw the spare key!!

Angie said...

I was proud of her the whole time I was pissed off. LOL Her face was that "now she's really going to kill me... should I just stay at work?" look.

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