Monday, October 17, 2011

You MIGHT be a fun sucker

Do you have trouble finding happiness in other people's successes? Are you the miserable bastard that who can't let a moment go without donating a fair amount of piss on someone's dream? Does raining on a perfectly nice parade ease the hollow feeling in your cold empty little heart?  Urban Dictionary calls this person a Fun Sucker.

We have all experienced someone who cannot wait to bring you down, rain on your parade, or piss on your dreams. It doesn't matter how big or small your success, this insensitive jerk is going to do something to try to take the wind out of your sails. If this sounds completely foreign to you, then you either have the greatest friends and family and acquaintances in the entire world or YOU might be that person.

Are you a fun sucker? Let's examine a few scenarios.

Situation 1: Your friend has always dreamed of pursuing a career in music. At lunch they tell you that after their open mic performance at a local club, they were approached by a representative for a small agency and were told to come in and talk. This could mean more gigs and possibly their big break! You say: 

A) That is so awesome! I've known you were talented for a long time and it's great that someone else it taking notice! Good luck!
B) Well don't get your hopes up. Very few people really make it big. I think you're great but the road to stardom is littered with talented people.
C) Do you know Bob in accounting? He's in a band on weekends and an agent approached him last year. It turned out to be bogus and they wanted money. People aren't always what they seem.

Situation 2: Your partner is on a long needed vacation and will be home in 3 days. You receive a bit of bad news in the mail. It is not urgent and there is nothing your partner can do about it. You get a call from your partner with details of their trip and asking how things are at home. Do you: 

A) Tell your partner things are mostly okay and you'll talk more about it when they are home.
B) Smile and tell your partner you are glad they are having fun because they deserved a break.
C) Explain to your partner that you got bad news in the mail and that you aren't sure what to do about it.

Situation 3: Your brother just called to tell you about a new job opportunity. It's finally something he has been educated to do and something that he enjoys and the pay is a little better. You know that he has difficulty budgeting, and the new job will be paid on a monthly basis. You: 

A) Tell your brother you're happy for him and hope he can manage to get his budget under control enough to make the transition to the new pay scale workable.
B) Laugh and say, "Haha good luck with that. You can't get your bills paid when they DON'T give you all the money at once. You'd be better off staying where you are.
C) Congratulate him. Working in a field you enjoy is something we all want.

Situation 1: A (3) B (1) C (2) 
Situation 2: A (2) B (3) C (1) 
Situation 3: A (2) B (1) C (3) 

Mostly Threes: You're a supportive person. You believe in allowing people to experience joy without needing to jab your sword of sadness right into the heart of their moment in the sun. You know that there is very little in life that is so urgent that you can't let another person enjoy that feeling of pride or excitement.

Mostly Twos: Maybe you mean well, but it seems like your congratulations always come with a warning. In some cases these sound more like no congratulations at all. Remember... no one asked for your advice. When they do it will sound something like, "What do you think?" or "What should I do?" If you didn't hear those things... leave it alone. 

Mostly Ones: You're really bitter about something aren't you? What is it about someone else's success that just throws you right over the edge and into asshole territory? People tend to avoid you when they are happy because you've proven time and time again that you're incapable of letting a parade go by with only sun or a dream to be dreamed without being pissed on.  

In short, for the fun suckers out there, try to be a little less of a worthless excuse for a human being. Just because your life is miserable doesn't mean that you have to bring the rest of the world down in your shit shower. Perhaps you're not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or ruin a special moment, but you are not so completely without social intelligence that you don't realize the appropriate response is to be happy for another person's good fortune. Remember, you get back from the world what you put into it. Those Negative Nelly thoughts might just be the reason "nothing ever seems to go right" for you. 


Jen said...

Jesus, that sounds like my mother.

"Mom, guess what? My grant proposal got approved!"

"Hey Mom, I got a raise at work."

"Mom, I made my reservations for BlogHer."
((crickets chirping)) YOU WERE SERIOUS ABOUT THAT?

Anonymous said...

I failed. Im a fun sucker.

DeanD said...

God. How many of these people are out there??? Get.Away!


Tony Van Helsing said...

I'm not a fun sucker but I am a sun fucker. Sorry, I know it's puerile but couldn't stop myself.

notactuallygod said...

This is an inherant trap for the natural problem solvers of the world. I've dreamt a lot of dreams and tried number of things but I never fool myself about the odds. And I always think about what could go wrong so that I can problem solve my way around it and keep moving forward.

I do find myself doing doing that for/to others whom I care about. I try to blend encouragement with a smart game plan.

Fresh out of college I was the only one willing to warn a close friend about the girl he was about to marry. Within a year the police came to his door. His new wife hadn't been going to her job as a nurse at a local hospital; she had no job. She always left in her nurse's uniform but was going to her lover's apartment where they ran a credit card scam that was eventually traced back. After she drained 35K from their joint account they divorced.

I'm the friend that will tell you when you have bad breath, or a bad fiance. -even if you like me less for it, I know I've left you better off.

Angie said...

I can relate to all of those! Not my mom, but a few other relatives and an ex. I'm surprised I've managed to survive all these years given the complete lack of confidence most seem to have in any of my abilities.

Far too many.

Careful, you're burn that thing off!

The intent is good but if you feel the need to advise everyone to be wary of their happy moments it's different. Honest concern is not the same as being a fun sucker. There are times when you have to use your judgment and let people just be happy. See Jen's statements up there? That's what I'm talking about. Some people are just incapable of being happy for others.

Paula said...

I hate fun suckers...that's why I carry around a small rusty nail, so I can stab anyone trying to piss on my parade.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Oh lordy. I'm mostly 2's. I'm horrified because my mother is mostly 3's (a real Debbie Downer). Just realizing how I would answer these questions made me realize I'm a lot more like her than I want to be. EEP! Save meeeee!!!

Ed said...

Fun suckers suck.

And not in a fun way.

Linda Medrano said...

I"m always thrilled about a friend's successes. It surprises me when people are not. If I think there is something amiss, I might say something, but most grown ups are equipped to make their own choices.

wagthedad said...

I live in an entire country full of ones.

I have never heard anybody come up with an idea for a career change or a new business without someone else immediately telling them they are going to fail.

I. Am. Not. Kidding. Every time. Every fucking time.

They see it as realism. They see it as helping the other person out.

And it's really depressing. And I think I'm turning into one of them.

Though I did score quite well, I must say. That American spunk getting through. I was an asshole to my wife last night and feel bad about it.

But it's Wednesday, and I love everyone, so hope I didn't bring anybody down.

Angie said...

I am picturing you stabbing someone right now. I know it doesn't seem funny, but in my head I'm putting conversation in that leads up to it!

I think it's a bit like what Wag is saying below. It can be a learned thing, but I think knowing it's a potential issue can really keep people from going from all 2's to all 3's!

Thank you, Ed. Now back to you in the studio Jan!

I love seeing my friends happy. I think you're right on the money here. Most adults know what they are getting into.

I can certainly see how that would be depressing and after years of being depressed I can see how it would turn a formerly un-sucking person into a real kill-joy!

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