Saturday, October 29, 2011

So You Wanna Be Popular

This internet networking thing is pretty great, right? Who said you have to wear pants to be witty and engaging? I bet the most insightful comments and blogs are written by people not wearing a stitch of clothing. Unless you're participating in a conference where the interaction is on cam you could probably get most of this done in your pajamas.

That is exactly how I looked at this blog for quite awhile. I spent the majority of my browsing, commenting, and creative time in some form of slacker gear. It was awesome! It still is when it works out that way. However, all things in moderation they say, so I'm going to start wearing pants... in public! (Gasp)

I'm going to start going out. I might even do stuff when I am out there. There is a chance that I will meet people when I am doing things out there. And so on and so forth, yada, blah, blah, and etc. I'm going to consider this my grassroots campaign for global popularity. This will take some real work, but I've never been one to shrink away from a challenge.

I have to work today, which tells me that my popularity bid is already working. They want ME to work! How awesome am I? THAT.AWESOME. Someone at the office said it's because everyone has to work today. Whatever... haters. What can ya do. All part of being popular I guess.

I have consulted the Interwebs for tips and tricks on how to become the popular girl. I found the holy grail of all popularity on Wiki-How. As a popular girl, I'm sure everyone will want to do what I'm doing so I'll share these tips (well most of them) with you too! I'm going to start assigning myself points for this.

1. Make a good impression on everyone you meet. 
Is it too late to start? Crap! There's always a slim chance that my new circle won't ever meet anyone else who knows me. Right? Alright.. starting tomorrow.

2. Make friends with the popular girls. 
Pffft. Check.

3. Make an effort to stay in style.
They said pick a signature accessory. Last I checked, always wearing the same thing gets you picked on, but okay. Same hat. Every day. Gotcha.

4. Be confident. 
Still reading this article though, aren't I? I'm NEVER going to get this. I am such a fai.. sorry. I mean, I CAN DO THIS!

5. Listen more than you talk. 
F*CK! ~sigh~

6. Be outgoing. 
Doable. I'm all sorts of outgoing, you know except when I don't know people. Or when I think they might possibly be better than me. Or... Wow... okay back to #4.

7. Know the guys. 
Flirting is recommended. RIGHT.ON. Back in the day this was the only rule to being popular. Shit has changed my friends. Shit.Has.Changed.

8. Know what your body language is telling people. 
I've been told my body language tells people to f*ck right off. I will work on that. I am a bit concerned, however, that it will lead me back to what I was told about being popular in the olden days. Still going to try to have better body language with an aspirin between my knees.

9. Use Twitter if you're allowed. 
Maybe it's just me, but I think this might be geared toward someone other than the chick who pays the bills!

10. Stay fit. Try working out a little bit. 
HEY! What the hell are you trying to say? Listen wiki-how, you don't know me!

11. Clothes aren't everything. 
Lies. Lies. Lies. Freaking lies. Okay not exactly a lie. They aren't EVERYTHING, but they are a whole hell of a lot of things. Try pairing Miley Cyrus juniors hooker leggings with a big Hanes t-shirt. Try being popular then dammit! I did try that! SOB! Try getting someone to think you're popular when you're wearing THAT!

There you have it folks. A Wiki-How list of tips on how to be a popular girl. The more I look at it, the more I think I think I might try to just go out more. Maybe I'm only destined to be semi-popular? Who knows. I still bought business cards that list me as "The Right Choice" and "Uber-Popular-Chic". We'll see!


Anonymous said...

I believe based on this list I'm doomed to be the wallflower at the Prom!! Awesome and best of luck in your popularity quest!!

Anonymous said...

1. I'm blogging naked right now.

2. I refuse to flirt with guys just so I can be popular.

That is all.

FOLDOC said...

It would be uncharitable of me to point out that the person(s) who wrote the wikihow article were...writing a wikihow article, rather than going out making good impressions, befriending popular girls, staying in style, etc.

And using twitter makes you popular? Right...and watching TV makes you famous.

Angie said...

You and me both, girl! I am pretty sure I've offended at least one person every single day for the last 20 years. Maybe more.

Get your party on Jeff! :p Hope all is well with you and yours! PS. I don't blame you. Anytime I flirt with a popular guy he turns out to be a pompous ass. :)

I read it as a popular girl going out of her way to be charitable to us poor ne'er do wells. Reeks of Valley Girl too. I've also been using the twitter... didn't make me more popular, but it does pass the time!

Linda Medrano said...

I wish I had read this when I was 15. I thought all I had to do was put out.

RCB said...

How awesome are you? Well, let's see.... THAT awesome! That said, let's talk about #8. Know what your body language is telling people. I remember you telling me some time ago there was something seriously wrong with your default facial expression. So how are things going in that department these days? Judging from your new picture (bottom left column) there seems to be no problem whatsoever! It's a great picture. And as for #11. Clothes aren't everything - all I can say is clothes are more important than they probably should be. It's a reality I've come to accept. I've been wearing the same PJs for three months now (of course they find their way into my washing machine when I blog) and I assure you, they didn't impress my neighbors across the street when I decided to get out of my house, knock on my other neighbors' door to tell them to stop making that freaking noise. Anyway, whatever you do, make sure your PJs look mighty good should you ever decide to pull a stunt like that. You have a nice day now, Angie. :)

Tony Van Helsing said...

Blogging in the niff or in slacker clothes is perfectly acceptable, unless you are one of those people who use laptops in Starbucks.

Juliette said...

Angie- I've got it! Your new signature style- NO PANTS! I guarantee global popularity.

mark @ yelling near you said...

Hmmm, unfortunately I don't want to be a popular girl. I followed the link to Wiki-How and was intrigued by the related article: "How to Get Very Popular When You Are Desperate." That sounds promising but it's still geared toward the ladies. I guess the only secret for dudes to be popular is to have a really big penis (via Steve Martin in Baba Mama). Wait, that was the secret to success. Eh, all the same.

If I were god said...

Popular is overrated, and can sometimes come back to haunt you. Khadaffi was popular too once, on account of his luscious hair and acclaimed falsetto singing. It led to jealousy and people banding together for violence. Look at him now.
All he ever wanted to do was sing and make people happy. Very sad.

Becca said...

Popularity is overrated...

You know what's not overrated... being in charge.

No one likes the boss, but everyone tends to kiss his/her ass...

The next installment should be How to Become All Powerful...


But just so you know I think you're pretty popular anyway, and everyone knows popular + powerful = super powers....

Azra said...

There's no point in listening if you can't talk at the same time... and no point in having friends if you can't swear like a sailor.

But you don't need any of these rules, you're already cool and awesome and popular :D

Angie said...

My gf and I used to say that being fat was the only thing keeping us from being sluts. I was so awkward at 15 I am surprised anyone spoke to me at all! LOL

I still make that awful, "WTF are you talking about?" face. I think I have it because of my job mostly. :) Clothes are sort of important. Try not wearing them just once and see how it goes. ;)

That I would pay money to see if the naked blogger were willing to post the pics! Just for fun of course.

LOL My signature look huh? I sort of like it.

I think that big penis is word of mouth popularity. I've never seen a man clothed and said... WOW he's got a big penis. After reading the list, I decided I don't really want to be popular either. It seems like a lot of work.

And you see what happened when he let himself go? His fans turned. No one wants the bloated sofa fabric wearing Syria Idol guy.

I might be too lazy for being All Powerful. I'm already too lazy for popularity! Would you be all powerful for me? Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee?

Those are the kind of friends I want! I want the ones that are willing to jabber when I jabber and vice versa! If that makes me unpopular then screw it! :)

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