Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Slap the cuffs on me. I'm guilty.

After the lively debate over at WagTheDad last week, I got a bit of extra feedback on Facebook. One of which was this fun little "She Says/She Means" graphic:

Just as I joked about using sex as a reward for men figuring out our "cryptic" statements like, "We're out of toilet paper", I make light of a lot of the generalities about men and women. So I'm going to own up to my guilt here. You can choose to bash it if you like, exchange of ideas is what makes the world go round, right?

1. I do say fine. Often it means, "It's not about you and I'm working through it." Many times it means, "I don't come to you with my problems because I want to fix them myself and do not want your 7 suggestions on how YOU would fix it." This is a habit. It's a bad one. Yes, occasionally it means, "You pissed me off. I am not ready to talk to you about it." It's still a lie (as Diego pointed out). It's not right.

2. I do things by myself in relationships out of anger. If I asked my partner to help me out (yes, I asked for help sometimes) and he said he would do it, but days went by without any action... I would do it myself and be pissy. I don't ask for help often. If I wanted the lawn mowed 3 days from now I would have said 3 days from now. Again, this is a bad habit. It's also based on a couple of relationships, and I have to fight not to be that same woman next time.

3. I get pissed off when a partner doesn't remember simple things. I don't like onions. If we've shared years worth of meals and I have specifically mentioned many times that I don't like onions, yet he orders me a sandwich and has them throw onions on EVERY TIME... I get pissed. However, I don't mention it when I call to beg him to bring me a sandwich because I was too stupid to remember to bring my lunch. I just figure he will eventually remember. Another bad decision on my part. I still think it's ridiculous that he never seemed to remember.

4. I don't state that I want more from a relationship until I am so frustrated it's too late. This is probably the worst of the whole bunch in my opinion. I reach out. I express my love. If it doesn't come back to me it hurts. When I'm finally asked, "What do you want from me?" I feel like screaming. By this time I've probably been an uber-bitch. I get it. I'm working on saying what I want.

I haven't given up on the entire male gender. Sure, those people who perpetuate the stereotype are always going to be out there. I try to remember that if I don't embody all of the negative stereotypes that are pinned on women that surely there are men out there that can say the same.

22 comments:

notactuallygod said...

After reading this list I can tell you with complete confidence; consider your girl card validated.

You're a chick, inside and out. Well, on the outside fer sure. The inside? I'd have to have a closer look... how's Friday night?

(I don't know why it's so much fun to get a little pervy with you, but it just IS. I know you're plenty cool enough to handle it.)

Paula said...

I cracked up about mowing the yard 3 days from now. Every single time I ask my husband to do something it takes hours or days to get finished, but if he asks me to do something he complains if I don't do it right then. I think that is just a guy thing so I've learned to ignore it.

Crystal said...

I am currently going through all of this with my Boy. kind of finding myself in unknown territory of having to depend on someone else and god forbid he steps up to help!! i wish the body language would scream the meaning for him to understand! grr

Tony Van Helsing said...

Sorry, what did you say? I wasn't listening.

Angie said...

NAG,
I'll be at a party over the weekend. You find me with your NAG powers and I'll show ya! :p

Paula,
I was like that with my kids too. If I wanted your socks picked up next week I wouldn't have asked you just yet. I meant DO IT NOW!

Crystal,
I'm being told that our body language means NOTHING. LOL

Tony,
Thanks for validating.

Linda Medrano said...

Angie, my drink of choice is and for 22 years or so is Diet Coke in a can. I have the weird thing of wanting a straw to drink it. My husband has seen me drinking Diet Coke with my straw for 22 years. He goes in to get drinks for us. Does he bring me a straw? Uh, no. He has to go back for one.

When I tell him "Fine", it means the opposite. It is not fine. In fact, he has screwed up huge. You are not the only one.

He knows I wear "Coco" by Chanel. But for my birthday, he comes home with Calvin Klein "Obsession". I do not wear Obsession. I've worn "Coco" for as long as we have been married.

My husband is a smart man, but wow! Can he act stooooooooopid.

mark @ yelling near you said...

I don't know what you're talking about here but I'm impressed that you're aspiring to change.

Angie said...

Linda,
I've always been a bit miffed about the fact that as the "mom" I am supposed to remember everyone's likes and dislikes, but it's a rarity that anyone (partner or children) have remembered mine. I'm sure there is something there that's my fault too. I'm spending my week accepting the guilt for all of womankind. LOL Get me a freaking cross.

Mark,
Nice to see ya!

Steve Bailey said...

So according to that list. Yes No and Maybe all actually mean no? Wow! I guess Silence is the new Yes.... Just one more reason to date The Mute!

Angie said...

When I say yes, I mean yes. When I said maybe, I usually mean yes. When I say no, I generally mean no. Fine is really my only mix and match word.

Ed said...

Women talk more than men, BUT they say more without words than they do with words.

Guys just need to learn how to hear AND listen to their non-words.

Often, guys are just happy when women are actually quiet.

UNLESS, they are being quiet because we did something wrong and are in trouble.

Then, we are only kind of happy.

Vesta Vayne said...

You know, both my husband and I use fine in instances when it really isn't. And he's a dude's dude, so I don't think that one is just female territory.

I also say I'm not upset when I am hella pissed off. But for me, as you mentioned with saying 'I'm fine', it's about needing some time to figure it out. Sometimes you need a bit to decide why you're angry, or if you perhaps overreacted, or whatever.

Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress said...

I don't know what kind of arguments can be made here. You are absolutely fair, right and reasonable with every point and anyone who disagrees is a ....well, you know...that "M" word.

Angie said...

Ed,
LOL I can see that happening. Every time I would start a conversation with my ex about anything he looked like he would sooner die. I think he would have been happier if I was pissed off at him the entire time as long as I didn't speak to him.

Vesta,
I completely feel that statement! It's not just a woman thing, but it's a woman stereotype. I'm waiting for the day when some of my guy friends admit that it's not just their wives who have issues.

Liz,
You and I would be dangerous together! I hope you're feeling a little better and have made it home now! ~hugs~

-E- said...

i'm going to play amateur psychologist here and say electra complex.

Angie said...

E,
Ooooh so close! I have a bit of a complex, that's for sure. I have never though had that particular one ascribed to me. I have never been especially close to any male relative in my life, nor competed with any female in my life for attention of a specific male (fatherly or otherwise). You may be looking for something else with low self-esteem, but Electra Complex is not it. (minored in psychology for a time and spent much of my time analyzing myself... oh and have seen a few shrinks in the process of "WTF is wrong with me" phases only to find out I've just made some really stupid ____ complex choices. Your turn!

Juliette said...

I wonder why we say "I'm fine, when really we are far from it? We should go straight in with the " You didn't mow the lawn you lazy half witted gimp and I DONT LIKE ONIONS YOU MUPPET AND CLEARLY YOU DON'T LKE SEX". But the you'd just get called a pissy bitch, right?

notactuallygod said...

So now I had to go wikipedia Electra Complex.
Really Angie, did i SAY i wanted to learn something this early? (I think you owe me some pointless frivolity next time, k?)

Angie said...

Juliette,
I KNOW! Damned if I do. Damned if I don't.

NAG,
Hey sweetie, -E- Up there started it! I will give you pointless frivolity later today. :)

WagtheDad said...

I don't see about 3 out of 4 of these things as stereotypically woman, nor do I see them as necessarily bitchy. If you NEVER ask for anything, and then you ask for something, then they'd better do it. And if they don't, you have the righ to be pissed. And if you hate onions, and you've been together for five years, s/he SHOULD remember that. And not saying you want more out of a relationship before it's too late is just perfectly rational: no one really believes the person is going to step up, change, and suddenly offer more of him/herself, because they aren't capable of doing it. Otherwise, they would have already provided what it was you needed in the first place.

"Fine": my only real issue with this is - it's not that it's often a bullshit answer that is essentially a lie; I can deal with that -- it's the kind of "fine" that says "Actually, everything sucks and I'm pissed but you have to ask me what's wrong 30 times before I'll tell you." I really hate that.

See, Angie, even though you are wrong on most things, we do have some things in common.

That was a joke. Don't go all "fine" on my ass or anything.

Azra said...

Bwahahaha! I did a post similar to the she said / she means one a while back... true though that not everyone is the same and that stereotypes just perpetuate the myth. Some a just so damn funny though :)

Angie said...

Wag,
Will you take a "whatever" instead? :)

Azra,
Did someone give you the same picture? I don't know if they expected my feelers to be hurt or not but it just made me smile!

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