Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I'm going to need the REAL chocolate

When I was a child I looked forward to Halloween like a burgeoning alcoholic waiting for happy hour. Halloween meant candy. Specifically, it meant chocolate. When you live in the country, you have your choice of neighborhoods to trick-or-treat in. No one knows you so you might as well hit the "good neighborhoods". These are the homes that give out Snickers, Twix, Reeses, Butterfingers, and Milky Way. We wanted real honest to goodness name brand sugar and fat, and we got it. And it was good.

When I met Sue and Lesley I was introduced to European chocolate. Sinfully sweet with a depth of flavor you can't find in its US cousin, even if you manage to slap your hand as it travels toward the sampler lid, you will crave it until it drives you completely insane. You will bargain with yourself and the box will remain 3/4 full while you eye it every day, tempted to reach in and snap up a morsel to savor. When someone offers you a Hershey bar, you will smile politely and say, "No, thank you." You want the real thing not some waxy substitute.

Chocolate is okay in moderation. It's best if it's the dark chocolate loaded with antioxidants, but you still need to be careful. Chocolate can be fattening. Just like anything else, too much of a good thing is dangerous. If used improperly, chocolate can do horrible things to your body.

Some people are like that chocolate. You didn't know what you were missing until you found them. When they've gone you're presented with other options, but you're no novice anymore. Nothing but the real thing will do. So you'll smile politely and say, "No, thank you." The craving will become so great that you consider late night drives to feed the need, but it's a 24 hour drive.

Just like that box of chocolates you made last forever, you find yourself remembering the last piece you had and wondering if they will still have it when you finally get back. It torments you at times and messes with your body.

Remember when waxy boring American chocolate was enough? Remember when you married American chocolate?

Would be rude to put his face there, huh?
I either need an express shipment of European chocolate or a road trip. Seriously. 

Only a couple of days away.... Someone for me to take out some sort of frustration on! 


Paula said...

The picture of the lady's backside is scary...where do you find such things!?

Linda Medrano said...

Okay, Angie, you are going to hate me now. I would share if you were here so think about a road trip. Alex brought home a 5 pound dark chocolate bar from Belgium. That's where they make the best chocolate in the world. I've snapped off pieces for friends, eaten one square myself, and sent a big square with Alex for lunch dessert. I think about that chocolate like most horny men think about Angelina Jolie. I lust for it! But one piece every few days is the limit. Yeah, I'm good like that.

wagthedad said...

So what you're saying is that you REALLY need SEX, right?

Come on. Sex is the easiest thing in the world for a woman to get. Easier than chocolate even, because you don't have to pay for it.

All a woman has to do is lower her standards. Or get a little drunk. Same thing, right?

We men are left out in the cold.

I just had this discussion with a guy friend of mine, you can't say I'm wrong, sweetcakes.

Azra said...

lol I could do with some European chocolate too. With a tall glass of abs on the side. Damn this addictions eh ;)P

wagthedad said...

Re: the horny goad weed extract.

I bought that. I took it. All it did was make me want to smoke and drink more.

Angie said...

I have a lot of time during the day to just screw around on Google. I should say where I originally snagged the images from but I'm lazy. One day someone will sue me for using their ass in a picture. It's a risk I take.

When I get chocolate from my gf in Scotland I have to be very careful not to eat it all at once. I try to share with the office!

Well, yeah or good chocolate. Follow along dammit! Also, I don't need the horny goat weed. I think I'm bad enough as it is!

I was over at Bexstar's the other day and she was raving about SA men being the hottest thing going. LUCKY!

Tony Van Helsing said...

Hersheys have got a rack at our local supermarket that everyone ignores. It tastes like cheap cooking chocolate. We'll stick with Cadburys Dairy Milk thanks.

Leauxra said...

Mmm... Chocolate. I think what Wagthedad fails to appreciate here is that WOMEN actually get the same endorphines from chocolate as they do from sex, but rarely get STDs from it.

I've been digging the Lindt dark chocolate with seasalt lately. I don't know why it took so long to find the perfect combination, but there you have it.

Angie said...

The Milka is the one for me. Screw Hershey! Even our Cadbury isn't the same as yours. It's frustrating and sad really.

Amen! Chocolate can cause a fat ass but it won't cause gonorrhea!

Juliette said...

Could get you a box of Thorntons continental? However, this will totally spoil you Angie...

Angie said...

I believe we were in Belfast when we went to Thornton's! I absolutely LOVED their truffles and every other damn chocolate confection they managed to have in the display that day. ~sigh~ It's heaven!

Fred Miller said...

Want torment? I used to haul chocolate by twenty-ton loads out of Hershey, PA. Even that wasn't as cool as picking up Ghirardelli's in San Leandro, CA. I used to get loaded at a bar on the bay while my truck was being loaded. Then I'd sleep it off in the lot at Ghirardelli's

Angie said...

Ghirardelli square was one of my happiest San Fran moments!

RCB said...

What is it with women and chocolate anyway? You know, sometimes I'm not sure if perhaps it's merely a stereotypical notion that women love chocolate that much. So let me ask you, if you could choose between a box of Belgium chocolates and a delicious slice of pizza, nay, make that a delicious pizza (who needs a slice!), surely you'd go for the pizza! (Not?) :))

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