Driving surrounded by idiots does have it's good points though. If I were able to get where I need to go in a speedy manner without having to wonder if the guy in front of me is a really bad driver or merely drunk and dangerous, I might never see or pay attention to some of the awesome vanity plates out there on the road. If you're not familiar with these, a vanity plate is a license plate (tag) that you can pay the state to let you customize with your own letters and numbers.
Two days ago while driving home from work, I was stuck behind a minivan with DRGNLVR on it's tags. Being the highly intelligent person that I am, I quickly realized it must mean Dr.Gun Lover. I thought to myself, "Stupid. A doctor driving an old minivan? And another thing DOCTOR, how about you put a picture of a gun under the plate instead of a stupid dragon you jacka... oh. DRAGON LOVER. Still stupid." Obviously I'm not the first person to have gotten it wrong or they wouldn't have a picture there to make it more clear.
Because I am a helpful person, I've come up with some great vanity tag ideas for the people I see on the road. I'm sure most of the speed and lane challenged f*cktards I see on the streets have at least considered getting vanity plates. Now they will have some things to choose from!
1. BADDRVR - There are so many of these around. Should be used regularly.
2. SKNKHO - We've all seen you lady. Cover your tits and flick that cigarette before you ash on yourself, freak out, and kill someone.
3. WNTSGNL- At least then I'd know that you will slow and veer off without any warning.
4. NOSEPKR- Do you not have a private place where no one can see you to do that? You're going to make me vomit while driving and cause an accident.
5. DUMBICH - I know a few people I would give this too. Personally. Has nothing to do with their driving.
6. STPDFUK- This is for the a-holes out there who seem to think they own the road. They will pass you going 30 MPH over the limit then tuck back in front of you so quickly you fear you will literally be pulling your nose out of their ass if you can't brake quickly enough.
7. CNTFACE - Again, I know a few of these personally.
8. FKNLOSR - Drives slow then fast then slow then fast. Only looks up occasionally because he/she is too busy texting to really give life and death the respect it deserves.
9. RUBRNKR - Slows, gawks, and drives in multiple lanes at the same time while trying to catch a glimpse of what's going on where the lights are flashing.
10. LILPNIS - Very expensive car, bright fake smile, possibly a gold chain. Obviously overcompensating.
Not only would these tags tell you what to expect, but in a couple of cases could even prevent you from making a dating mistake! What? Like you've never car flirted before? Whatever!