1. It's not being disappointed that your wife's hooters didn't grow to 5x their normal size when she began nursing.
2. It's not what causes a baby to crave the bottle over the boob.
"Letdown" is that phenomenon that occurs when a lactating woman's body says to her breasts, "You know what would be great right now? A wet t-shirt contest! Let's start with a couple big round wet spots on the nipples and see where we go from there!"
|There is no shirt color that will hide this. Arm crossing will only make it worse.|
There is natural letdown that occurs when the baby is nursing; then there are other types that are caused by other things like beer or crying babies. Neither of these situations are wanted. They occur when you are least prepared for it, and will generally cause at least as much embarrassment as accidentally urinating on your shoe when you're on a nature hike in a public park (so I'm told or whatever).
Now before you start thinking this is a post about leaking tatas, it's deeper than that. Today at work I heard the most pathetic sound you can hear. It was so out of place I had to stop what I was doing (trading insults with a couple of co-workers), and put on my squinty-eyes.
Side note: Squinting your eyes helps you hear better, much in the way pushing the tip of your tongue out the corner of your mouth helps you think.
So there I sat, eyes all asquint, listening closely. Someone was crying. It wasn't a cry of physical trauma. No, it was the sound of EMOTIONAL DRAMA. DAH DAH DAHHHHHHHH.
|Oh Dear God, little baby Jesus, Mother Mary, someone, ANYONE tell me whyyyyyyy!|
1. Grown men sobbing. Hey... I want you to be able to cry, but I want you to do it quietly and with dignity. It's wrong and I know it, but I own it. If you are crying with dignity, I will wrap my arms around you and kiss your forehead and shut the hell up. Grown men bawling... you won't hear from me again.
Let's recap this one...
|Acceptable Man Crying|
|Unacceptable Man Crying|
2. Half-assed kid crying. If your cry sounds like you're sad because someone told you "no!" or one of the other kids is playing with the toy you want, you can just buzz off. You don't have to though, because I've trained my body to tune you out. Much like when you say mom mom mom mom mom mom mom. You'd better come up with a tone more urgent or you're gonna be sitting over there whining yourself to sleep.
I started this post with boobs and the body's natural reaction to certain stimuli. Let me explain the connection. When I hear the sound of emotional drama, I immediately feel a tightening in my chest. My hairs stand on end. I crane my neck to locate the sound. If I'm at work, I prairie dog.
|What's going on? What's that sound? That's crying! Who is it? Can you see?|
I peeked around the corner... and there she was. I had located the victim and prepared to comfort the poor soul. At the same time, I heard her say... "It doesn't hurt. I'm just losing my voice. I don't even know what caused it."
It was just a cold. Talk about let down. So now that I'm all prepped... anyone need a hug? I've got one just waiting here.