My mom technically isn't on "vacation". For the sake of my blog we're going to call it vacation because she's been there all week, not sleeping in her own bed, to take part in what is to be a fun event. So really it's like a Sandals resort without sexy cabana boys and umbrellas in the drinks. Oh, and it's Ohio. So, Mom... if you're reading, I don't want to hear anything about how you need a vacation for at least like, oh I don't know... a year maybe. You can have one in the spring to come and help me try the wineries when I get moved. Yay you... now get back to work it's way past cocktail time.
She's really a working girl this week. Her task is to help my sister prepare for the wedding this weekend. Mom will manage the check list and nod dutifully when asked a question to which my sister already has an answer but simply wants confirmation. When things go wrong, she will be the voice of reason. It is for this reason that she is allowed morning cocktails (specifically while I am at work which makes me sort of jealous and sad). There really isn't a better way to cope with this job than to get a little numb and a little silly.
Periods of high stress
My sister is most certainly at this point right now. As she does everything in her power to make sure that this goes off without a hitch, she will certainly need a bit of comfort food. It is also important to note that the comfort food will dull some of the effects of the morning cocktails. If the fries weren't included, both mom and daughter could very well be spending the afternoons in a vodka induced nap. Not much gets checked off the list when you're napping.
Cocktails also prevent the person who is under the stress load from exploding into a manic rage and accusing every single person around them of sabotaging the event.
There are 6 kids being melded into a single family with this wedding. There is bound to be a little drama, a lost shoe or two, someone who can't find their earring, and at least one person who can't get the zipper on something to work. If all six make it through the ceremony Saturday without threat of being sent to the closest orphanage, I will slip them each a fiver and buy everyone a hooker. Okay, I don't know where to buy a hooker or I'd have found a damn date for this shindig. I'll buy everyone a milkshake instead.
There's no particular event needed. You don't have to have PMS, be menstruating, getting married, fighting off a major illness, or under a ton of stress. You've made it through the work week and that in and of itself is cause for celebration. Go ahead and have your bloody Mary for breakfast with bacon and eggs, follow it with a tequila sunrise for brunch, a clam digger for lunch, a nice Redbull cocktail for an afternoon snack, and a martini for dinner. While you're at it, throw in some cheese curds, a plate of nachos from Chili's, and some southwestern egg rolls for good measure. You deserve it.
Tomorrow I will land in Dayton at approximately 1 PM. I should be reconnected with the Fam about 30 minutes later and met with a nice cocktail of my own. While I'm looking forward to the whole thing, a big part of me is more convinced than ever that I would prefer to elope. So, Mr. Right if you exist, if you're reading this, what do you think about a quickie wedding and a kick ass honeymoon? Or maybe a kick ass beach wedding and honeymoon? How about next week. I'm free.