Most people have been through a breakup before. To venture a guess, I'm going to say at least 50% of us have been through a painful breakup. Today is dedicated to the more funny and pathetic things I've heard in breakup fights.
Oooooh sorry. Someone beat you to that already. If you'd like my 401 K, you can check with ABRA auto repair. I do have a nifty set of Ginsu's. Please God PLEASEEEEEE don't take them from me!
1. I will destroy you.
This one I like because it's straight out of a Marvel comic. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. I can't help but to picture any of my exes saying that to me. In my mind they would be wearing ill fitting tights and slowly shrinking into oblivion as they shake their fist at me. Seriously, my credit sucks and I pretty much live alone. If anyone said this to me in the future I would have to walk directly up to the dumb ass and flick him in the forehead.
2. Who are you f*cking?! I will kill them!
Right. I'm leaving you because I have found someone else who is better in bed than you are. You say that like I don't have SO many other better reasons to leave you. Heck, at this point I might be leaving you for just insinuating that you think I'm stupid enough to tell you who I am f*cking so you can go kill them! Frankly, Sir... that is downright insulting!
3. You are on birth control pills so you can f*ck EVERYONE!
Birth control pills are not Roofies. If I wanted to have sex with EVERYONE I would buy roofies. I take birth control pills so that I am never impregnated with your demon spawn. Seriously, I loved you but I've seen how well you did with your own kids. PASS!
4. I will take everything you have!
5. You've been faking it haven't you!
Yes. I have. Next question.
What's the most ridiculous thing you've heard during a break up?