Saturday, September 17, 2011

I Didn't Get The Job As a Cart Person At HyVee

When the HyVee grocery stores in Sioux Falls began their face-lifts (so pretty) a couple of years ago, they added smaller shopping carts to the mix of jumbo carts you often see being pushed around by the parents with 3 children in tow. The jumbo carts are perfect for families. They can be loaded with 5 boxes of cereal, 3 gallons of milk, 25 cans of soup, 13 boxes of Mac and Cheese, 20 bags of frozen veggies, an economy size bottle of detergent, 12 rolls of toilet paper, and various other tools of the family trade.
Econo-Cart. Like those big assed vans from the 70's meant for hauling all your stoner friends... except it's for groceries! 

The timing was perfect. I was trying to eat healthier and I found that if you use the smaller cart you tend to stick to buying necessities rather than 3 bags of Doritos and 2 boxes of snack cakes on top of the already sodium and preservative laden foods in the center aisles. The small cart is also perfect for me now. With my son at his father's and my daughter preferring to exist solely on Ramen noodle cups, my grocery shopping is almost completely limited to produce, meats, and Healthy Choice meals. By Healthy Choice meals I mean wine, of course.
The Geo Metro of shopping baskets. Saves you money because you can't put too much crap in it. 

Adding the smaller carts hasn't been without it's drawbacks, though. For instance, I'm a speed walker. These cute little baskets have a steel bar that happens to be right about shin level. I have countless bruises because I have yet to commit this fact to memory. They are also a bit less than ideal when you are shopping for a party of people and you are half way through the trip and realize you're woefully short of space for that extra box of Franzia (who are we kidding? I love my friends but I am not blowing my wad on expensive wine... that is for me and hidden from the guests).

More than that, the convenient little buggers have created a whole new level of inconsiderate jerk in the community. Are we all familiar with the concept of a cart corral? It's where you put your cart once you've placed your groceries in your vehicle. It looks like this...

Now I realize that after a long day at work you are probably feeling a bit tired. You've made your way to the store and walked the aisles gathering nourishment for yourself and possibly others. Waiting in line behind the woman with 54345737 coupons followed by the elderly woman who wants an explanation of the pricing on each individual item she will inevitably purchase anyway was also no small trial. I get it. It's a bit of a drag. You made your way out of the store with your goods and trudged to the car and transferred the bags into the trunk. You're no sissy. You don't need drive up service! Good for you! Look at you go! You're almost done. You'll soon be heading home, but first you need to locate the cart corral and put this baby in the return!

So we can see by the pictures of the carts above that they are not the same size or even the same shape. This is not a visual trick of any kind. In real life they look just as different. Yet when you got to the cart corral and noticed there was one row for the small carts and one row for the big carts.... you half ass shoved your little cart into the line of big carts. Sure, they pay kids to go out and collect the carts periodically. Sure, there's another corral on the other side of the lot if this one gets full.

You see they fit together nicely if you put them in correctly and follow the pattern. Patterning... it's something you learn in Kindergarten, remember? This isn't a diversity issue where you should feel obligated to mix things up. This is a simple task you jackass. Your cart goes with the like carts. You irritate me only slightly less than the asshat that leaves their cart in the parking lot 2 spaces from the corral. Seriously? If I were the cart collecting kid... I would memorize the look of your car/truck and the next time I saw you come into the store I would go out and slash your tires.

Perhaps I'm overreacting? Perhaps I have slight OCD? What sort of inexplicable pet-peeve rage do you suffer from?


Paula said...

I hate when people leave the cart half in a parking space and you don't see it until you pull in and almost hit it. Then you have to get out of your car and move it before you can finish parking. That drives me crazy!

Linda Medrano said...

Little things like that piss me off too. And I don't see why it's so hard to just do the right thing.

Elliot MacLeod-Michael said...

Most of mine are grammatical. For example, this post was grammatically flawless, but had you said "the other day I seen a shopping that weren't put back right," or "I hate when I get the shopping cart that's broke," I would have been furious.

Fred Miller said...

Those little carts suck for riding and stunting. The merest crack in the pavement will send you ass-over-end. There should be a warning: "Use only the large carts for riding drunk in." Otherwise, they could get sued.

Left Coast Guy said...

I hate carts. I would prefer trained monkeys accompany me while shopping. They can hold everything and even scale up the shelf when I cant reach an item. And my monkeys will kindly stay out of everybody's way. Unlike the the ignorant bastards who fill their damn carts up, then leave them where they will trouble the most shoppers possible-while they range all over the store looking for that. last. damn. item! Mark my words shopping cart deserter: I will send my monkeys after you and they will find you!


wagthedad said...

Those damn cart people. Now I realize something positive about Austria: the carts are chained together in the cart corrals. You have to put a 2 EUR (about 3 dollars) coin into the cart to unlock it, and you only get the money back if you put the cart back in its proper place.

Otherwise, it's a pain in the ass, because half the time I don't have the 2 EUR coin. Usually the 2 EUR coin is sitting at the bottom of the cigarette machine.

But having to carry all of your groceries in your arms has its positive side, too. Like the smaller cart forcing you to buy only necessities (good point, that one, I liked it).

Jen said...

I fucking hate how frozen pizza boxes never fit into the grocery bags! Not that I'd ever fix frozen pizza. . .unless it's organic, on whole wheat crust with free range. . .oh, screw it, who the hell am I kidding. Anyway, the mentally challenged bagger always tries to s-q-u-e-e-z-e it into some flimsy recycleable plastic baggie and it invariably bursts out like Star Jones in a tube top the second I try to unload it from my car and goes skittering along the pavement like a deranged Roomba. Drives me Bat. Shit. CRAZY!!!

Angela said...

"These cute little baskets have a steel bar that happens to be right about shin level. I have countless bruises because I have yet to commit this fact to memory."
Thanks...I thought it was just me and I was uber clumsy when it comes to pushing a small cart. I thought that pushing one huge cart and dragging another one for most of my adult life...when all eight of my kids were still at home....threw me off balance to push a little cart.

Azra said...

Angie, you had me slapping my thigh lol-ing again ;) Another reason to come to SA? We have what they call "car-guards" and they stand in the parking lot signalling if there's an empty parking space that you wouldn't have spotted in a sea of cars and they watch your car (car theft used to be a huge issue here especially at malls) and as a bonus, they carry your bags to the car and pack them away in the boot/trunk and then take the shopping cart back to the store - all for a couple of coins. That's why I believe most South Africans are lazy asses, they never have to do anything themselves especially since many are being waited on in the street, at the malls and at home by their maids lol

If I were god... said...

My pet peeve?
The only one I can think of is writers who rage about minor everyday inconveniences. It makes me want to find them with my FBI tracking software, sneak into their house at night, and staple their toes together.

Apropos of nothing, where did you say you lived again?

Angie said...

I can't imagine especially here in the winter that the job of collecting carts is very rewarding. I would also be willing to bet the pay is crap.

There's no easy answer to that. Laziness perhaps?

I do my best! :)

I quite agree. I do like to run and ride on the back of the cart on the way to the corral. It's not the same on a little cart.

When you're done, send the monkeys this way. I need them to put the hurt on some people for me.

Very good idea! Like the carts at the airport!

Spatial reasoning is OBVIOUSLY not discussed in the grocery clerking interview!

Not just you at all! I see people injuring themselves or misjudging distance with the little carts all the time. It's a big change :P

haha we have those here but only for big events like concerts. Waving their orange cone flashlights and pointing you in the direction to go.

Uh... I've recently moved to um... Barcelona. :)
Hope your rebuilding/repairing is going well!

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