Friday, September 9, 2011

Friends With Benefits Vs. Booty Call

One of my married friends (that's how I classify people... married/shackled without ring/single) recently asked me to explain what exactly a FWB is. I realize people probably think I lead this exciting Single-in-Sioux Falls, Sex in the City, Samantha-Trampy sort of life. The fact is that the whole allure of that lifestyle has always escaped me. That being said I do know a thing or two about the FWB thing and it's cousin Booty Call. 

For you folks out there that aren't cued in to today's terms, I will give you a brief overview: 

Friends with Benefits: Two people who interact socially on a purely friendship level. They are not exclusive to one another sexually, but they are not disallowed from spending time together one-on-one outside of the bedroom, back seat of the car, grassy public area at night, etc. They have no relationship claim on one another. They are simply friends with the added benefit of being sexually attracted to each other and willing to be sexually active together when one or both calls with the need. 

Booty Call: BC is a cousin of FWB. Booty calls are people you do not care to see socially. It's actually preferable that you never see them outside of the fleeting, sweaty, no holds barred, roll in the hay. Booty Call doesn't want to talk on the phone, IM, email, or in real life. BC just wants a simple text or call to say when and where and confirm availability. 

After discussing the similarities and differences between the two with my married friend, I began thinking of a recent event where a friends Booty Call, texted her to say he was going to be dropping by the party she and her friends were attending. 
Hold up.. . Did he say he was coming to the party venue? Back the bus up and get behind the white line. At what point did BC decide he could become FWB? In 2 years he had never requested said change. Her face looked startled. It's not that she had anything to hide. In fact, she almost looked pleased once the idea had time to settle. 

And so he invited himself to the party, and being the kind chap that he was <bullshit>, he brought a friend for her friends to share (ick). They sat down, somewhat away from the group, and she ignored him for a good 20 minutes. It was just as well, they made no move to come over to the main party area after having invited themselves to crash. When she finally made her way over to them, it was evident that she still wasn't quite sure how to move this to the next level... or if she even wanted to. When another girl from our party wandered over to engage them in discussion, the confirmation was made. Douche bags. 

As part of a great sisterhood, the information is immediately disseminated throughout the team. **Action Required** If you have never seen women work in teams with the common goal being to expose a particular person for what they are, it's simply amazing. Hell, I see it happen most times I go out with the group and I still marvel at it's beauty. It's synchronized perfection. 

We distract both men and lure them to the dance floor. When out of line of sight from our friend (his BC) he begins to shamelessly and disgustingly hit on every single one of us. Tall short, blonde, brunette, redhead... no one is safe. He dances up to each one, rubs himself on them, flirts, and asks for phone numbers... which we gals eye each other knowingly, using ESP to communicate the following, "See where it goes...give him the rope. I haven't seen a good hanging in awhile." 

As I was getting ready to leave I lead my friend outside and politely said, "You're not allowed to go home with that guy because he's a total douche." She laughed and informed ME that his friend had hit on HER while Mr. BC was out on the dance floor rubbing himself on US. EGADS! DOUBLE DOUCHERY!!!! 

I also found that men and women are different in these situations. I explained the situation to my guy friends. Same scenario except it's a girl and her friend who crash a guy's night.... and the guys said, "She's a booty call not a girlfriend. I wouldn't stop my buddy from taking her home." 

I don't pretend to understand the overall lack of concern for a friend maintaining their "non-diseased" status. I don't think I want to understand. I definitely prefer the sisterhood's stance on this one. 

So what it comes down to is this... A Friend with Benefits can be included in a group situation because they have enough respect for you to not try to bed your friends. A Booty Call can't be trusted to keep his hands out of the cookie jar even when he's booked a date with the Ginger Snap already in his lunch box. 

12 comments:

Left Coast Guy said...

Double Douchery, Batman! That was awesome! I love that! And I am still on the fence with FWB. I've known some nice and not so nice. Probably needs a case by case evaluation.

Dean
http://leftcoastguy.com

Anonymous said...

Double Douchebagery! Makes me want to pick up my self-esteem and balled up panties off the floor and make a run for it!

MG said...

WTF. Who are these people (the BC douchelords of course). Love love love your blog!

Leauxra said...

Hahahaha. Um. Ick.

Best line I ever heard when a fellow hit on a friend at a party rather inappropriately, "Yeah, sure, I mean, I've been on the antibiotics for a few days so I shouldn't be contagious anymore."

I, being the horrible eavesdropper that I am, started laughing really loud. Dude took off. Turned out, said friend kind of liked him, and she was being serious. She was getting over a bad cold.

FOLDOC said...

Please tell me your capital letters, red text and gratuitous overuse of exclamations marks are ironic and you're not really surprised than men can be lecherous and promiscuous.

hmr59 said...

Why does this scenario sound so familiar??? LOL

Ed Pilolla said...

women in teams with a common cause tend to be dynamic, true.

Sandra said...

Oh Angie, I'm such a boring old married person. I read the entire post, and kept thinking, "She's from Sioux Falls? I love Sioux Falls!" You know you're out of the game when reading about a guy rubbing his stuff on lovely ladies on the dance floor doesn't make you go, "...hmmm...I wonder if anybody would rub their stuff on me?"

Gorilla Bananas said...

But what did exactly did you expose? That men who are "booty calls" will sleep will any available woman? That should have been obvious from the start. If your friend has a problem with that, she should stop being a booty call herself.

Angie said...

LCG,
I am ok with what anyone chooses to do. I personally seem incapable of having a detached relationship. I always fall in love. I'm sort of ridiculous that way and it's proven to be disastrous numerous times!.

Anon,
I feel like that enough when I'm actually in a relationship. LOL

MG,
Just local guys I think. I never bothered to ask where they were from. I don't think there's anything I wanted to know less... well except what they looked like naked. LOL

Leauxra,
OMG that is hilarious. I would have laughed too! I think if someone says something like that in a public place they should expect some sort of reaction. :D

Denis,
As stupid as it might seem I was more shocked that they thought it would work.

HMR,
Because apparently it happens more than I thought!

Ed,
We are a force of lip gloss wearing nature!

Sandra,
You love Sioux Falls? Oh please tell me you come here to visit sometimes! We could go have a drink and we'll find some guy to rub his junk on you. haha

GB,
She wasn't offended. She wrote him off as mannerless and we went home without saying goodnight. She's an amazing woman and knows the score. I apparently do not. I was the one who was offended. I tend to turn into the mom of the group... well the tipsy lecturing bitchy mom.

KG said...

Love the clarification. I always toe the line between the two because most of my BCs (yes, sadly there are a few), I wouldn't really ever see in a social situation, but we can chat via phone here and there.

I just can't seem to keep the two separate.

Angie said...

KG,
I know it's going to sound strange, but I am betting I will wake up one day years from now and be sad I never made a BC or had a FWB. I got jealous a few years ago because I thought everyone had had a one night stand but me. LOL

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