Thursday, September 15, 2011

Death By Fiber

I've taken great pride over the last couple of years that I maintain a fairly active physical regimen. I know full well that when I skip my workouts I will gain weight and I made a pact with myself when I started this journey that I would never buy pants in a bigger size. If I happen to lose weight that's fine, but I simply refuse to go back up.

With work taking up a bit more of my time lately I've had less energy for working out when I get home. There is no way in hell you will find me setting my alarm for 30 minutes earlier in the morning so I can get a workout in before I do my morning prep. My mattress might have seen better days, but it's comfortable when I am on it! It's even better with the giant comforter, Egyptian cotton sheets, and 4 kick ass pillows. Like an overdue baby that doesn't seem to want to drop, I'm staying in there as long as I can dammit.

So this has led to a bit of a conundrum for me. How do I manage my desire to eat pretty much everything salty, sweet, fattening, creamy, or crunchy when I am not getting nearly enough cardio? I considered complete starvation, but I have no willpower. Perhaps I could force myself to do the workout anyway, but I nearly fell asleep putting my trainers on so I nixed that idea. Then I came up with a brilliant plan. Fiber. 

According to WebMD, if you are interested in losing weight you should eat a diet high in fiber. Since I only care about not gaining this week it seems like a stellar plan. I bought myself a bottle of Fibersure, a couple boxes of Fiber One bars, and some Fiber Choice supplements.
I will be sprinkling this on everything. I made a giant Crystal Light this morning and added (poured) it into my water before adding the CL packet. I mixed (dumped) some into my wild rice and tuna at lunch. Later I will add a dash (1/8 cup) into my marinara for my Healthy Choice manicotti. 

We all need a snack sometimes to get us through the day, right? Well what more perfect answer to that than a cereal bar? Convenient, doesn't get all over your desk, doesn't make you fingers sticky, no need to leave your desk to get it. Just sit on your ass and eat. Honestly, I gave some consideration to sprinkling some Fiber Sure on the cereal bar, but thought better of it when I realized it could cause me to lose all control of my bowels. 

As much as I would like to tempt fate, I think I'll just have one a day. 

Now, I know it's not the ANSWER. It's not going to be a magic powder or pill. And even if it doesn't work as I planned... I might still call to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. My colon might never be as clean as it will be by the end of this week. There should be an award for it and it should probably be given to me. 


Azra said...

I can empathize. Since the end of Ramadan, I've been trying to get back into the groove of working out and eating sensibly but I just can't seem to muster the energy or deprive myself either. Potatoes are my worst enemy.

Anyways, I just watched "Friends with Benefits" the other day and there's a part where Woody Harrelson's character was trying to tell JustinT that if you want something, you should go out and get it... one line particularly stuck out "You wanna lose weight? Stop eating fatty!" LOL This is what I've been saying to myself over and over again for these past couple of days.

Angie said...

haha! I was watching a comedian one night while I had dinner. He said, "that weight didn't come on overnight. It came on one cheeseburger at a time!" I looked down at my burger and kept eating!

Ed Adams said...

I was gonna say, I hope you bought some toilet paper with all that fiber junk.

Since you like your comfy bed, maybe you should invest in a comfy toilet seat. I think you'll be spending a lot more time there.

Left Coast Guy said...

Now I know why you were offline…you were in the bathroom all day 


MG said...

I haven't worked out in over a year because I "haven't had time" and now I'm trying to convince myself that I can do a workout at 6:30 in the morning, hah. I wish you the best of luck during your adventures with ms. fiber. And I hope your colon doesn't act like a jackass and get a little overactive on ya!

Gorilla Bananas said...

Maybe you need someone to chase you to regain your enthusiasm for exercise. You don't see many fat gazelles.

FOLDOC said...

I used to go to the gym and hate it. Now I go fencing and love it.

Sometimes I can resist food cravings just long enough for premature senility to cause me to forget them.

Crystal said...

hahaha!! I`m not a big lover of fibre products so I went vitamin route. Mix B6, B12, Chromium something or other, Vit C and throw in an Apple Cider pill for flavour and you have a recipe for a whistling sphincter!

Paula said...

I will be keeping my fingers crossed that you do not poop yourself today...but if you do please write about it!

Angie said...

I apologize for not being all commenty before now. You all crack me up. I've been working so much lately that I've fallen behind. So this is how it all went down.

At absolutely no time did I defecate myself to death. Yay me! Score 1 for the clean underwear!

RCB said...

Hi there, stranger. It's been a while, but I've been ill for some time now. The strangest thing is happening to me: I stopped working out about a month ago and now I'm losing weight, and seriously too, as in 4 pounds a week. I was happy at first but my doctor is really worried, so keep your fingers crossed for me, OK?

Angie said...

I noticed your updates have been woefully absent. Shoot me an email if you have the energy. I will keep my fingers crossed for you hon. ~hugs~

RCB said...

Thank you, Angie. I just don't have the energy to write these days. Don't know what's wrong with me. I'm tired, can't focus, and everyone's telling me it's gonna be okay. I hope you're doing fine.

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