Monday, September 5, 2011

Circle Back- Where I become famous in my own mind

We've talked about it before. This isn't new, but I'm going to talk about it again. I'm going to bring it out until the last of you gets where I'm coming from and understands how it manifests itself in our lives. I'm going to circle back a bit and at the end of this post, I'm going to brag a bit and send you somewhere that I get to be almost famous in my own mind. So hold on a moment and let me gather my thoughts so they don't spill out in some jumbled pile of consonants and vowels. 

Awhile back I wrote a post about filling the hole with things you want. I started out wanting to write about something else, but there are times when you just don't feel like being serious or looking inside yourself to see where the darkness is coming from. If you were to lift the rugs in my house you would find dust, hair (I shed like a sheep dog), carpet freshener, and possibly Jimmy Hoffa. Just kidding... but seriously there is a lump under one of the carpets that I'm afraid to explore. According to one search engine my bio comes up showing me as a mother of 3 kids and married. Somewhere along the line I misplaced a husband and a kid so it could be that. 

Regardless, those rugs are a metaphor for my life. Sweep it under the rug and I'll deal with it later. It's later. I have a confession to make. I'm a hoarder. I hoard bad memories. I hoard negative self-image. I hoard past hurt. The outside of me looks like a regular normal person, but once you step over the threshold of my personality you're going to find a dead cat or two, some old dentures I found next to the dumpster that might come in handy one day, 40 boxes of clothes I won't ever wear again, wilted lettuce I bought because one day 6 weeks ago it was on sale for $.29/head, and more than that... you will find me. You really would have to go pretty deep because I've buried myself way back there down the longest hallway at the back of my mind. 

Yesterday while over at Oh Noa, I took a little time to watch the videos she posted from Blogher. First off, for those of you unfamiliar with the whole blogosphere... when I say I was "over there" it's the equivalent of going to visit someones house. Don't mock me. It's how it is. So, I was over there watching the videos and while all of them were touching, funny, and all the good things I've come to expect from blogs, one in particular made me cry. Miss Britt's video (and the text version at her site) goes a step further in confirming what we all tell our best friends when they say, "What's wrong with me?" and we give a resounding... "There's nothing wrong with you!" The trick is learning to believe that about yourself. Maybe it's the Iowa connection. Maybe it's the blogger thing. I don't know, but I think I am going to visit her place more often. 

So back to what I was getting at... it was timely. The post I diverted to material possession cravings above was supposed to be this... Filling The Hole. This article was what I meant to talk about. The content of this link is what had been eating at me while I was busy eating everything else. It's my first article that went somewhere other than here or an inbox. To be honest I feel a little light headed right now. So take a look and check out the other articles. Eden Cafe has so much to offer. 

8 comments:

Tony Van Helsing said...

You lasses like blogging about feelings while us blokes like blogging about anecdotes. We are so very different.

Sarah Lindahl said...

I went there and read it and it was so wonderful. VERY well put. Every girl should be made to read that over and over.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Is that really a photo of you? Honestly, you look like a model who gets offers to star in porn movies.

Left Coast Guy said...

Angie,

If you think I tell you you are ok just to make you feel better about yourself. Then we have to rehash EVERY discussion we have had. Now, are you really up for that or are you willing to believe I have a clue? ;-)

Dean
http://leftcoastguy.com

Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress said...

You're amazing, chica. I'd say that more if it didn't make me sound like a stalker.

Angie said...

Tony,
I know.. chicks are weird that way huh? :p

Sarah,
At my house I worry most for my son. I hate to think of the impact of my neurosis on either of my children, but my son emotionally seems to be a bit more like me (poor kid!). Thanks for reading!

GB,
I get porn offers all the time. It's usually something like, "Hey, do you want to go back to my place and make a porno?" Then I slap the guy and he says, "Alright alright we'll go to your place!"

Dean,
I would NEVER assume you would say something just to make me feel better about myself. How's the weather over there today? :p Kidding! I suppose you have a clue.

Liz,
You can only stalk me as much as I stalk you. Those are the rules. Stalk away! LOL

Azra said...

The truth is Angie, I could tell you you're so beautiful, but if you don't *feel* it, it wouldn't matter what I said. I was like that too for most of my life. I never felt good enough, I was always struggling to accept myself- (sometimes still do). The irony was that everyone else thought I was f@#$ing brilliant and beautiful and all that... but I never felt it, so it was just empty words. I'm so glad that you've made peace with a gorgeous lady ;)

Linda Medrano said...

Angie you are a delight. What's funny is that I do feel good about me, who I am, what I look like, and all of it. I'm in my 60's, and I'm very content with that. You are a beautiful and smart woman and living your life "your way". The secret is, there is no other way to live it.

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