Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I'll take "Things that are inexplicable for $500, Alex"

There are things in this world that cannot be explained. I'm not talking about Pyramids or the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. There's enough media coverage of those things to keep us reading for days. No, the things I refer to are the daily inexplicables. Things like...

Bob Ross. I don't paint. I would love to be able to put brush to canvas and make beautiful things or even cheesy things that look somewhat like the thing I was attempting to capture in oil. Like a river.. or a mountain... or a happy tree.

As a young mom, there were many timesI found myself up in the middle of the night. Our home had cable TV. It's not like I was without choices. TVLand, Comedy Central, Lifetime TV for Whiners... I had options. Many a night though, I would find myself flipping channels and landing on PBS. I've been known to watch Front Line, Nova, and even the MacNeil Lehrer News Report. They're educational and you walk away with something learned.

I simply cannot explain why, if I happen across Bob Ross painting happy trees and mountain lakes I stop. It was like some sort of programmed setting in my brain that shut down my ability to click the channel up/down button. No, I wasn't stoned.

There are some possibilities, but nothing that can be stated concretely. Maybe it's that Bob was so accepting. "You might want to add a happy little tree here. You might not. It's your picture and you can do what you want." Maybe it was the tone of his voice. It came across as effeminate, though it certainly wasn't high pitched. It was simply soothing.

Or like... How funny I am first thing in the morning. One of my friends has a picture posted of him with his mother in a classic business partner, back to back pose. There were several comments on the picture because it was taken during a time when he had quite a bit more hair. The picture struck me more because of the fact that if I just look at him in the picture... he's got total "cop-face". You know, that alone is one of those inexplicable things. Some people just look like cops.

Anyway... I said I didn't know if I should get him a big old cop donut or ask him about my life insurance policy. When he questioned me about that statement, I said maybe you look like an officer with the undercover insurance fraud division of the police force? Still fits the donut thing and wraps in the insurance sales. But still... it's more than that. When I woke up this morning, I couldn't help but to picture he and his mother (who is an incredibly sweet and charitable woman who I am hoping can understand where I am coming from here and if she can't will accept my most humble of apologies) in the Charlie's Angels finger gun pose. SO I sent this at 6:30 AM:

That picture needs you and your mom to do the Charlie's Angels finger guns. I would have loved to know you then because if I were at that photoshoot I would have been all director like... Show me sexy realtor! Pout! More pout! Ok finger guns! 

I've not heard from him since. I can only assume he's trying hard to explain how in the hell I became so funny.

Whatcha got? Give it to me! What are your inexplicables?


Azra said...

Honestly Angie, I can't understand women who suffer from Chronic Bitch-Face Syndrome. http://blog.krisatomic.com/?p=1617
And I've come across quite a few women that suffer from this.

I suppose I can't understand because I'm quite animated myself, so I can't hide my feelings. You can see every emotion on my face...

Linda Medrano said...

I don't know why that cop/realtor/insurance guy hasn't sent you the photo you asked for. Maybe it's a hair issue with him.

Angie said...

I had dinner and drinks with him and his wife tonight! He was as far from cop/insurance guy as you get! LOL

I have bitchface ONLY when I am confused about someone's stupidity! LOL

Tony Van Helsing said...

It's surprising how many people watched Bob Ross and found him weirdly hypnotic, me included.

RCB said...

I guess Bob was just one of the good guys. I'm sure I'd be very upset if it turned out he was actually a terorizing child molester. Hell, I didn't like the things he painted but that never kept me from watching. You know, like 'Don't do this to me Bob! I want to want an action movie!' but I'd have no choice and watch him talk to his painting with the sap green and the tree that needed a friend, and he'd calm me down. Strange and inexplicable. Not to mention his hair...

Angie said...

subliminal messaging might have been in play... because there was no real reason for me watching!

That hair was AWESOME! LOL

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