Friday, August 5, 2011

If it's good enough for the goose... the gander is a pervert. Right.

When my job decided we wouldn't be allowed to check our personal email or Facebook at the office anymore, I made the decision to allow my friends and family to send things to my work email. I'm addicted to communication and I admit it. I'm not ashamed. When you stub your toe and you're pissed at your cat for always being under your feet because it's evil and it's trying to kill you and you know it because it's glaring at you in the night when you wake up... send that shit to me. I need to read it. You might think this is sarcasm, well it's not. I am bored out of my mind 90% of the day and emails are what keep my blood pumping. 

The unfortunate part of this decision is that I now get the majority of my emails that I'd rather keep to myself while I'm at work. 

Emails such as... "Hey... are you going to the toy party tonight?"
And responses like... "Hell yes I am. I need it!"
Or reminder pop-ups along the lines of... DILDOS DILDOS DILDOS!! 
(okay I made that part up)

In case you haven't guessed yet, one of my girls is throwing a grown toy party tonight. I haven't seen the catalog for the event so I am full expecting to walk into full on Dildo-Land. Dildo land would have fun rides. Get it? Rides. ha-ha Okay sheeesh... there would be a log ride with a big wet splash at the end... ha-ha-ha-h... FINE! <sweet Jebus lighten up it's Friday>

Anyway, when the reminder popped up today I happened to have one of my guy friends on Instant Messenger. 

____________________________________

******* says (12:24 PM)
i cant believe ur going to a toy party

Angie says (12:24 PM)
Why??

******* says (12:24 PM)
if guys would do that, we are considerred perverts

Angie says (12:24 PM)
That's true.

******* says (12:25 PM)
like if a bunch of guys had a tail gate party after work
with one guy hawking pocket pussys over a few beers

Angie says (12:27 PM)
Would you let ***** go? Does it bother you if I call and see if she wants to go along?

******* says (12:31 PM) 
hell no. i dont care
i just think its a double standard
she isnt in town this weekend though

Angie says (12:34 PM)
Well you're welcome to go if you wear a wig. 

******* says (12:37 PM)
will there be pocket pussy and beer?
____________________________________

My friend has a point. He's willing to let his wife go, but if he came home and said, "I'm going to a party with the guys and we're going to look at a variety of sex lubes, porn, blow up dolls, and hand held vagina-like toys..." She would look at him like he'd grown a third eye. 

My ex husband once insisted on attending one of these events with me and I agreed as long as he participated fully. He did too. He modeled an assless gold lame jumpsuit. Things were never really the same after that. For either of us. Weird.

I haven't attended a toy party since I've been single in the city... okay Single in Sioux Falls, and I think the sexiest part would be bringing your purchase home to show your mate. In my case, if I buy something tonight I'll have to make sure I carry it home in a brown paper sack and sneak it up to my room. If you guys hear my kids whispering about how Mom is turning into a drunk sneaking bottles of booze to her room in a brown paper bag... assume I got lucky and came home a little poorer. 

9 comments:

Meg said...

One of my best friends used to sell Passion Parties. I used to go along to help her every now and then. I miss those days. It's always fun to see people's reaction to dildos. The most fun I had on a trip in Japan? A fertility festival. There may or may not be a video on Youtube of me straddling a giant wooden phallus.

DeanD said...

I don’t know where to go with this post…on the one hand I want to comment on your need to communicate, on the other…I’m so excited (shut up!....not like that!) I want to go with you to one of these parties. Um, on the other hand…what exactly would you make me do? I don’t suppose it could just be a passive learning process?

Angie said...

Dean,
1. you have to wear a wig
2. you have to buy at least 1 thing
3. you would need to be here in an hour

tazerwarriorprincess said...

I try and avoid stuff like this. Too many jokes and "that's what she said" lines to keep my raging 15 year old male mind in check. Sigh.

Linda Medrano said...

I have never been to one of these parties. I would go if anyone invited me. I think it would be fun. I might not buy anything, but I'd like to see what's out there. I think men are actually more conservative than women. Give any of my lady friends a couple of glasses of wine and there are no taboo subjects at all.

Angie said...

TWP,
Oh we had plenty of those flying around last night. We're the least mature group of 30 somethings EVER.

Linda,
You would have a blast! Men really are more conservative about this stuff. Women hold very little back!

RCB said...

When a lady friend of mine finally turned 30 (you said I was either an OK looking guy in that picture on my 50-before-50 bucket list or I had big breasts), well, I phoned her and said, 'Remember you said you wanted that toy when you'd turn 30 three years from then? Well, today's the day. I remembered. So you and I need to do some shopping.' Which we did. (I had to go back, by the way, because there were no batteries included!) Anyway, I'm proud to say I was the only guy present at her special birthday party. Twenty or so women and one guy. The one who bought her that impressive (by now worn out, or so she says) lady toy. 'Look what Randy gave me!' And all the girls went 'Oh my God! Oh my God!' You know the drill... (no pun intended)

Angie said...

RCB,
You took a girl shopping for a vibrator for her birthday? haha Okay silly question but why didn't you just take her home? ;)

Fred Miller said...

It's not a double standard. The reason guys don't have pocket pussy parties is that we've all tried them, and they are all too tight. No joke. I'm not a large man, but those things do not feel like women. I've tried enough rubber cooch never to try one again. Totally gross, but take my word. TOO TIGHT! They were designed for ten-year-olds.

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