Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Because I obviously have no sense of humor

Him: Come on! That was funny! 

Me: Anyway, what are you doing today?

Him: Fine I guess. You have no sense of humor. Figures. 

Me: I have a sense of humor I just don't find that funny.

Him: You don't find anything funny. 

Me: It's like when I told you to stop with the jizz jokes. Waitresses only laugh so you will tip them.

Him: Other people find them funny. 

Me: Okay truck drivers, 15 year old boys, and young girls who laugh because they are uncomfortable. There's your audience.

Him: You don't understand my humor. 

Me: No shit.

Him: So you can say shit, but I can't say jizz? 

Before you read any further, let me make something clear. If you are a female and you like to hear the word jizz... Kudos to you. I don't care. More power to ya. But this is my blog. Mine mine mine mine. 

A few of my readers can attest to this conversation. While on break that day, I asked a few of the girls what they thought of the word "jizz". The reaction was priceless. Four of the 5 ladies instantly made a face that clearly said, "Why in the hell would you use that word? Ewww! What are you? 15?" The youngest of the group, then 22, blushed a little then giggled and said, "haha Jizz". I said, "My point exactly." I don't mind reading it. I don't mind typing it. Hearing it just makes me put on my "WTF did you say that for?" face. 

Of course my guy friend didn't believe me when I told him that strippers pretend to like you for money or that waitresses laugh at stupid jokes for tips so why would he believe that most women don't think jokes about body fluids are funny. In his mind he's the Daniel Tosh of the 80's. 

I would like to clarify something...most women I know don't mind having conversations about bedroom topics if it's with people they are comfortable with or the entire situation lends itself to the topic(like at a Passion Party for instance). They would probably tell you that they just don't see humor in what is supposed to be a "joke" that ends with something like, 'So I splooged in her eye'. 

HAHAHAHA... What? Yeah, I obviously don't get it. Ya know why? Because I don't have a penis. Because I've never splooged/jizzed/etc on anyone's face, tits, or hair. Perhaps this is where "knowing your audience" would come in handy.  Like when you make a joke to your parish priest about the Irish priest and a bottle of whiskey, but you don't make a joke about sleeping with your neighbors wife. It's kind of like that. Okay for confession and private discussion... but you should leave it out of the day to day dinner table jokes. 

Maybe I don't have a sense of humor? Maybe it's just another one of those things about people who have penises that I don't understand? Thoughts? 


Linda Medrano said...

Darling Angie, I too dislike the word "jizz". I did however use it in the title of a recent post because it had "shock" value. (Also, because it was what my husband - crude bastard - called the dog hair conditioner he put on the recycle bin handle to thwart our neighbor.

I have a friend who thinks he's a comedian. He embarrasses the hell out of me at restaurants. He constantly makes stupid and inappropriate jokes to the waitresses. Because they giggle, he's sure he's the funniest man alive. The truth be told, we eat at mainly Asian restaurants and most of the people who work there have very little English. Thank God they have very little English. His jokes are so lame and stupid I just want to climb under the table.

Men are sometimes weird, Angie. You know that. I know that. If they didn't have a penis, I'm not even sure I'd talk to them.

Angie said...

LMAO That made me laugh. Your post did not offend me in the least... perhaps it was because it was the reason for the trick or perhaps because it was because I only read the word. I have a hard time even SAYING the word out loud, which all things considered is pretty incredible!

Steve Bailey said...

Well I googled it and there is one person with more issues with the word jizz than you.
Jizz Zadrozny from Chicago Illinois. Real person!!

Lesson of the day... be happy your not Jizz!

DeanD said...

I’m sure this will be no surprise coming from me; however, I don’t like terms that seek to impart some sexist derogatory slant (male or female). It mostly comes from males and I believe its compensation (defense mechanism?) for simply not understanding female attitudes and sensibilities. All these words are usually used in”humorous” or purposely offensive manner. Who the hell came up with Jizz???

When George Carlin was alive he had this bit about the 7 words you can’t say on television. Its funny, it has a context. But I still would not apply in any other context words like snatch, box, slash etc etc. Its hurtful, I cant see where a male would think that’s sexy.


Angie said...

That poor man and his cruel cruel parents need to move somewhere that doesn't speak English.

I believe that's where I remember the following from:
Rat shit bat shit dirty old twat
69 assholes tied in a knot
Lizard Shit

And those words would be... Shit, Piss, F*ck, C*nt, CockSucker, MotherF*cker, and Tits

DeanD said...

And cocksucker and motherf*cker are compound words that wern't necessarily valid. lol!


Gorilla Bananas said...

"Jizz" is actually a corruption of "Jism", which is a more refined term for the manly secretion. There is absolutely nothing funny about it, so you were right not to laugh. However, a woman impregnating herself with a turkey baster is somewhat funny. And a man having his gonads surgically milked by aliens has elements of dark humour.

Angie said...

Agreed, but for this post we'll leave them alone!

only slightly more refined. :) I will grant you full concurrence on the turkey baster and gonad milking aliens though!

Anonymous said...

*blink* I think jizz is contagious today. This is the second blog post I've read regarding man-juice after I wrote my post today. *blink* I'm slightly afraid now.

Anonymous said...

Too funny, and true!! My husband happens to like the word..and I'm like, are FORTY, not 14. Ugh! I blame that he is with teenage boys for many hours a week and they rub off on him a bit. For example, this happened TONIGHT:

Teen Boy (with hot mom) - My leg keeps cramping up bad, Coach.
Coach (my husband) - Well when you get home, have your mom rub it out.
50ish OTHER Teen Boys (yelling, hooting, and hollering)- "Oh yea, I'll have your mom rub mine out!" "oooh I want M's mom to rub MINE out.." and on and on and on.

I realized, men just don't have senses of humor. They are just perv's. I'm all for some inappropriate humor, but we laugh at things that are actually funny!

Ed Adams said...

Having a penis is a powerful thing.

And with great power cums great responsibility.

RCB said...

It's just jizzgusting... You've got a sense of humor alright. You're just waiting for a good joke.

Angie said...

LOL I read your post. Timely!

Sometimes it is funny... it's just that it's so rare. LOL I laughed when I read the "have your mother rub it out". I was a 15 y/o boy for a moment. haha

Sometimes... until you get older and it cums with less power. ;)

Of course I am just waiting... and waiting... and waiting. LOL

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