Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Q&A with Angie - The Weekend's Top Questions

I can't be sure, but I have a feeling I'm not listed as Angie in most of my friend's cell phones. There's a good chance that a few of them have me listed as "Call Late", "Call Drunk", "Call For A Good Time" (okay that's a bit wishful... ), and "Tell Me The Truth". Most of those possible names seem to go together. They have to because I sure get a lot of calls that are late, drunk, and asking for an opinion.  Here are two of my recent  favorites

Q. How often should a person shower? I mean really? If they are married, seriously! 

A. Unless there's a medical condition (and I know who we're talking about. Lazy is not a medical condition) the answer is a no-brainer. As often as the person they wish to have sex with would prefer them to shower/bathe. 

We all have our preferences. For me... once a day minimum and twice a day if I can. If I didn't have to redo my hair, I'd be in there 3 times a day.  Have you seen Intervention and you see someone shooting up heroin, and they go into this hazy-dazy-you-could-slap-me-with-a-mackerel-and-I-would-still-love-you sort of euphoric state? That's me in the shower. Screw water conservation. I could be a heroin addict. Pick your poison. 

Yeah yeah, we all want to believe that if we really feel strongly about something we should be able to stand our ground and the person that we love will back us on it. Maybe they won't like it, but they will back us up. IT IS BATHING. This isn't about your love of baby seals. Do you want to have sex? If your spouse wants to you to bathe daily in order to have sex with you... take the bath. No one is saying you have to give up your desire to bathe every 5 days rather than every 1day, but I'm sorry dipshit....it looks like everyone's giving up something. You keep your bathing schedule, your partner can keep the sex. 

Stop bitching and go get wet. Use soap or whatever form of hippy dippy cleanser you feel the need to make at home with frog eggs, dried moss, gizzard cleanings, and a lovely touch of lavender. 


Q. Who's the guy in the movie Good Fellas? He's in Wild Hogs too.

A. Ray Liotta. 

Q Response. No, I don't think that's it. He plays a biker in Wild Hogs. 

A. Ray Liotta

Q Response. I think he was younger when he was in Good Fellas. 

A. Well that was a long time before Wild Hogs so yeah, Ray Liotta

Q Response. It's NOT RAY LIOTTA!

A. I just sent something to your phone. Did you get it?

Q Response. Yes! That's him!! 

A. Ray Liotta. 

Q Response. Oh, I thought that was someone else. I need to go we have another question. 

This was someone playing a home version of Cash Cab. I am not aware of a legitimate home version of this game, but I think it could be fun for when you promise to DD for friends. For every question you get right, you get 10 blocks closer to home. 

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