I ABSOLUTELY NEED
1. Slide Board- This shouldn't need any explanation, but I'm going to give you one anyway. AWESOME! I am not on friendly terms with my hips, ass, and thighs. I think this piece of spectacularity could help me learn to love them. They used to make something similar to this back in the day, but I'm too lazy to go find that picture because my initial search of 'slidey exercise thing from like 1987' didn't give me the results I wanted. It did however, show me a penis. Always nice to have that "pop up" on the screen at work, yeah?
|Have you ever seen speed skater thighs?|
2. Hair Feathers- I've been mocking these things for so long I am starting to wonder if I am mocking them for their ridiculousness or if I am just hiding a deep seeded need to own them and look fabulous. If I can't have these, I will settle for the sparkly ones that Adrienne Maloof wore all season on RHWoBH!
|All I can say is SWEET!!|
4. Snoopy Snow Cone Maker- Back when I was a kid I got one of these as a get well present after some random childhood surgery (appendix?). It's going to be really feckin' hot this weekend and I think I deserve to have a little piece of my childhood to help me cope with the 98 degree-unfreakinreal-humidity days. Sure I'd be bored with it after a day, but I really really want it. Really.
|A Snow cone for me, Snoopy? HELL YEAH I'll take one!|
|Oh yeah, right there.|
6. Baby Grows Up Doll- I'm not trying to be a bag here, but Christy? Are you there? Do you remember when you ruined my Christmas by throwing my one and only cool present and breaking off her leg? Do you? It still hurts. I actually blame some of my adult drinking on this very incident. You probably don't remember because you were like 2 or 3, but sometimes at night when my heart is heavy... I think of how glorious that doll looked right out of the box... and it makes me feel happy.
|I can't type through the tears... okay I can.|
Oh there's more. A LOT MORE.
Easy Bake Oven- Because I have Jiffy cake mixes and nothing to do with them.
Ticket to Montreal- Mind your business.
Flying Car- Not one of those new lame ones with the fold out wings either. That sh*t just looks sketchy.
Vacation in Cyprus With All The Enhancements- I have a list of things I want done.
So tell me kids, what sort of material things do you use to suffocate the feelings of emptiness?
P.S. This is the Easy Bake Oven I had as a kid...