Sunday, July 10, 2011

Everything- Facebook Repost

When I login to FaceBook, the first page it takes me to is my home page, not my page where I say really amusing things and everyone on the face of uh… FaceBook can see my daily activities. Obviously FaceBook is smart enough to know that I don’t need to be reminded that I took the “What Is Your Old Lady Name?” quiz (It’s Opal incase you wondered), or that I am most like Jim from The Office, or that I currently have 106 friends… many of which I would like to delete, but probably never will. 

No, FaceBook is for networking. In order to properly network, you need to know people and you need to know what they are doing, what they thought about last night, whether or not they broke up with someone since you last checked in, and what football team and/or American Idol contestant they most love or hate. This is important stuff people. You might want to work with one or more of these people one day. It is crucial that we know what we should or should not talk about around the old water cooler! 

Every once in awhile, and trust me it’s rare, FaceBook puts something right at the top of my “Holy Crap did you know that...” page. Today’s shout out goes to my friend Max who said, “Stop looking for someone to be everything and start being something...if not to everyone... to yourself.” I have to admit that at first I thought it might be a song lyric. It’s happened before, someone says something that sounds either incredibly depressing or really exciting, and it turns out to be their version of text-song. I checked and can’t find it on the www so I’m going to just believe it’s his personal thought, and take a chance that it’s not some obscure tune brought to you by the hippest hottest Canadian indie rock group I've never heard of. 

Now before you think I am being sarcastic and snarky, I seriously mean it when I say, thanks Max! It was very timely, very timely indeed. I happened to be talking to a few friends about this exact sort of thing last night. As we commiserated over loves lost, misdiagnosed, burned, and the like; we landed on the topic of “everything”. It starts out so cute. You’re “in love”, and all you can think about is what the next day with that special someone will bring. You want him to meet your friends. You want to show him your favorite place to hide/read/think. It’s all so wonderful. 

A few weeks later, one of your friends calls. "Girls night? Hell yeah! Meet you at eight? Sounds great?! The new martini bar? Count me in!" You hang up the phone with a smile. You’ve missed your girlies and now you have a reason to buy those shoes you saw when you were out yesterday that will look fantastic with those jeans you are now going to buy. You’re already planning your route to the mall. 

In the ideal scenario, this news is met by your significant other with something close to the following, “I don’t have to go to the mall do I? No? Great! Have fun! I’ll call my guys and we’ll hit the town, play some poker, and look at chicks we won’t ever really touch”. You smile and know that’s one of the reasons you like this guy. He’s got his own friends. He’s got his own interests. He’s got it together… and still likes you! 

BUT... What if your new love has no friends? What if you fell in love with a mind that has no actual physical outside interests? You liked the same books. You enjoy the same music. You both like Korean BBQ. He tells funny jokes. He laughs at yours. He thinks you’re incredible and you think he’s incredible for thinking that. What can possibly be wrong with that? Well, have you ever tried to be someone’s everything? 

Let’s go back to the part where you hung up the phone. You’re running the mall layout in your head when you hear, “Who was that? Oh, what did she need? Really? Saturday? Martini’s… hmm I didn’t know you liked those. What time? When do you think you will be back? Oh you’re going to the mall now? What did you need to get? Why do you need new shoes? Mind if I ride along? Well… I hope you have fun Saturday. I thought maybe we might do something, but if you would rather go with the girls I guess I’ll just find something else to do.”

These things are not the grand total of “everything”, just an early indicator of what life as an “everything” will be. Attempting to be someone’s everything leaves you nothing to be for yourself. Even though being yourself is what got you into this mess, and let’s admit it… yourself is pretty freaking awesome right (hi five, pat yourself on the back, give yourself a big thumbs up), you can’t ever be someone’s everything and remain the person you were.

On the flip side of the situation, if we don’t want to be someone’s everything; do we want someone to be OUR everything? I can’t imagine giving up my friends and interests to focus solely on one person. I can’t imagine being fulfilled or entertained completely by another’s thoughts, opinions, actions, etc. I have yet to meet one person that I could listen to endlessly without thinking, alright that’s enough of that. 


Crystal said...

This sounds a great deal like my marriage! And you`re right it`s never easy to be that end all be all for someone. It`s exhausting and taxing on my mental stability. Thankfully we have a goffy three yr old who likes to entertain her father while I read a book!!

wagthedad said...

No way can someone be everything for one person. I've been married for forever, and I've watched my friends slowly marry themselves off, and I've seen the danger signs. Danger sign for a guy is when he gets married and never again goes out with his friends because he's no longer allowed to. Or thinks he's no longer allowed to. I suppose the same thing could work for women. Eventually you have two people completely reliant on one another because they never see anyone else.

I just don't understand it. One of my best friends was not allowed to go out for beers with me after he met his girlfriend. She seems totally normal, nice, well-adjusted, intelligent, etc., it's just that he's not allowed to go out with the guys alone. She's afraid he'll meet someone else and leave her.

I spoke to him about it. He was all "well, I know it's crazy, but I love her and blah blah blah."

I don't know. I guess that I don't understand how you can grow up, gain freedom from your parents, have ten years or so of a good time and then find a new mom or dad.

Who then has to be your all because you're not allowed to see anybody else as an individual.


Anonymous said...

I just found your blog via Fred. I like your outlook and your sense of humor.

And what you said about being someone's everything is right on - you can't be. You have to be who you are, and your "other" has to be who he/she is. And you meet somewhere in the middle and just make it work. The secret to a happy marriage (or any relationship, for that matter) is to have your own lives.

Angie said...


I have said a time or two that from now on if I don't meet a group of my guy's friends I am not letting the relationship progress. If two people have no life outside of each other, what the hell do they talk about at night? Wheel of Fortune? Is Wheel of Fortune still on? LOL

Angie said...

Wag! Congrats to you and the Mrs! As to your comment... Well said. Sure, there are some who think they aren't allowed to go out anymore, but I have a feeling they have been given some not too subtle hints to lead them to that conclusion. Feeling like a prisoner in your own life can certainly kill a spark. I have parents. I don't need more.

Angie said...

Thanks for coming over! I just checked out your blog. Wow! Your brother is a lucky man to have you.

I can't remember where I first saw it, but marriage is about two joined circles. Not two separate circles, or one circle laying atop the other, but two separate lives that merge in the middle. Forgetting this causes either side to drift away or to completely swallow one another. It seemed logical to me back then and it still seems like the way it should be.

Fred Miller said...

That's what a relationship is. Pretending to listen. Sometimes I smile, and Tessa knows I'm faking. Then she appreciates me more. I think that's where the giving really counts: when you fake it because you don't feel like it. And your lover had better damn well appreciate it.

Angie said...

Haha Fred... I might have mentioned it before, but I believe the world would be better if everyone loved me enough to lie to me like my exes have. :) I just expect GOOD lies now. Not crap ones that fall apart easily. Fake it til you make it also comes to mind.

pinkim said...

Hey Angie,
Good food for thought...guess I'm stopped by to thank you for stopping by and got sucked in. Looks like you are getting a lot of Fred traffic. That's great! I do think you are right on with all of this. At first thought, or at least when we are young things, being someone's everything seems a great thing, but really? Not...

Angie said...

Agreed! I am going to have to do a Fred is Fantastic Post tonight... Complete with graphics! LOL

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