No, FaceBook is for networking. In order to properly network, you need to know people and you need to know what they are doing, what they thought about last night, whether or not they broke up with someone since you last checked in, and what football team and/or American Idol contestant they most love or hate. This is important stuff people. You might want to work with one or more of these people one day. It is crucial that we know what we should or should not talk about around the old water cooler!
Every once in awhile, and trust me it’s rare, FaceBook puts something right at the top of my “Holy Crap did you know that...” page. Today’s shout out goes to my friend Max who said, “Stop looking for someone to be everything and start being something...if not to everyone... to yourself.” I have to admit that at first I thought it might be a song lyric. It’s happened before, someone says something that sounds either incredibly depressing or really exciting, and it turns out to be their version of text-song. I checked and can’t find it on the www so I’m going to just believe it’s his personal thought, and take a chance that it’s not some obscure tune brought to you by the hippest hottest Canadian indie rock group I've never heard of.
Now before you think I am being sarcastic and snarky, I seriously mean it when I say, thanks Max! It was very timely, very timely indeed. I happened to be talking to a few friends about this exact sort of thing last night. As we commiserated over loves lost, misdiagnosed, burned, and the like; we landed on the topic of “everything”. It starts out so cute. You’re “in love”, and all you can think about is what the next day with that special someone will bring. You want him to meet your friends. You want to show him your favorite place to hide/read/think. It’s all so wonderful.
A few weeks later, one of your friends calls. "Girls night? Hell yeah! Meet you at eight? Sounds great?! The new martini bar? Count me in!" You hang up the phone with a smile. You’ve missed your girlies and now you have a reason to buy those shoes you saw when you were out yesterday that will look fantastic with those jeans you are now going to buy. You’re already planning your route to the mall.
In the ideal scenario, this news is met by your significant other with something close to the following, “I don’t have to go to the mall do I? No? Great! Have fun! I’ll call my guys and we’ll hit the town, play some poker, and look at chicks we won’t ever really touch”. You smile and know that’s one of the reasons you like this guy. He’s got his own friends. He’s got his own interests. He’s got it together… and still likes you!
BUT... What if your new love has no friends? What if you fell in love with a mind that has no actual physical outside interests? You liked the same books. You enjoy the same music. You both like Korean BBQ. He tells funny jokes. He laughs at yours. He thinks you’re incredible and you think he’s incredible for thinking that. What can possibly be wrong with that? Well, have you ever tried to be someone’s everything?
Let’s go back to the part where you hung up the phone. You’re running the mall layout in your head when you hear, “Who was that? Oh, what did she need? Really? Saturday? Martini’s… hmm I didn’t know you liked those. What time? When do you think you will be back? Oh you’re going to the mall now? What did you need to get? Why do you need new shoes? Mind if I ride along? Well… I hope you have fun Saturday. I thought maybe we might do something, but if you would rather go with the girls I guess I’ll just find something else to do.”
These things are not the grand total of “everything”, just an early indicator of what life as an “everything” will be. Attempting to be someone’s everything leaves you nothing to be for yourself. Even though being yourself is what got you into this mess, and let’s admit it… yourself is pretty freaking awesome right (hi five, pat yourself on the back, give yourself a big thumbs up), you can’t ever be someone’s everything and remain the person you were.
On the flip side of the situation, if we don’t want to be someone’s everything; do we want someone to be OUR everything? I can’t imagine giving up my friends and interests to focus solely on one person. I can’t imagine being fulfilled or entertained completely by another’s thoughts, opinions, actions, etc. I have yet to meet one person that I could listen to endlessly without thinking, alright that’s enough of that.